trusting Him

for those of you reading this, if that's anyone, today has been a day...let me tell you.

ever have one of those conversations where five bombs are dropped on you and you're sitting there after an hour going, 'um, what happened?.' well, that happened today. it's all for the better i know that, but T and i were sitting there with a friend of ours and both said, 'what is happening?!.' so believe me, 2012 is bringing a million changes. a lot of is still confidential, so unfortunately, i'm going to have to be a little vague in this post, but hopefully you still get something out of it...that's the hope, always!

first big brain-bomb...

travis and i have been asked to co-lead a summer mission's trip, and we are both so so stoked about it. we met with our mission's pastor today to talk about his experience there and his hope for the summer team, and how we will play into all that. a part of me is so excited about the opportunity, so excited about what God is doing in this country, and so excited to visit the missionaries there, some very dear friends of ours.

the other half of me is terrified. when we were first approached about leading the team, we though at first that just meant travis, which would make sense. he's been on a ton of trips, has been at bethany for a long time, and has seen and learned a lot throughout his time there. it seems natural for him to step into this next level of leadership.

me, on the other hand...i've been on one mission's trip with bethany (argentina, last summer), and i've only been at the church for about 2 years...i really only feel like i became more plugged in during this past year. i still think of myself as a newbie, but over the last six months, the Lord has opened door after door for me to serve. i haven't really asked for anything; it's like God has just placed opportunities into my lap. in response, i've had to step out in faith and serve with a willing heart. sometimes, i feel like that's all i have to offer. He does the rest. this mission's trip is another one of those opportunities.

co-leading this trip over the summer would be a huge leap of faith, for me personally, and for us as a couple. we'd be leading adults older than us; i'd be leading the women. resolving conflict, administering things efficiently, building into them, and communicating effectively with T, our team, and the missionaries there all come along with the job, and i feel so incapable of doing it all well. at the same time though, it's in our weaknesses that God is glorified, so in one way, i'm glad i don't feel equipped for this. if we take on the role, that means God is doing the work - we're just his vessels.

on a relational level, i think this opportunity could bring huge growth between T and i. as leaders, we'd be held to an even higher level of accountability. if there isn't unity between us, unity between the team will be weakened. working together will require constant communication and an attitude of humility. the experience would teach me a lot about respecting him as a man and as a leader. i can be stubborn, opinionated, and head-strong. thankfully, so can travis, and he can put me in my place (one of the reasons i love him so).

preparation for this trip would begin now. it would require monthly leadership training, and constant prayer. this is the first major decision we've had to make, and that's exciting to me! it means praying together, discussing our hesitations and expectations, and working together to serve the Lord. if T goes into ministry, it's a little taste of what our life would look like. in my heart of hearts, i couldn't be more excited.


...and number 2:

i'm up for a promotion at work, and i had an interview for the position this morning. it went well i think, but if anything, i might have been a little straightforward. which isn't a bad thing...i don't think. taking this position would require more time, but also give me a challenge and more pay (both of which would be great!). but work is not my priority. in fact, on my list of priorities, it falls at like...number 5. and i told my manager so. truly, this whole situation is in God's hands too. if my manager is looking for a hard worker, then hopefully i'll get the job. if she's just looking for someone to do her beck and call and sell themselves to Jamba, then nope, forget it. we'll see if honesty really is the best policy...

i have absolutely no idea what God has in store for this year, but i'm 100% that He has a great plan in store. i could worry, or i could just simply trust Him. i'll choose option B.