January 3, 2012

2012 resolutions

last year, i made a gigantically huge list of new year's resolutions which i've kept posted along the side of my blog. i loved them, and 2012 doesn't mean i'm going to get rid of them. in fact, i think those resolutions are more a way of life that i want to continue cultivating into this new year and long after that. 2011 taught me a lot, and some of those goals opened up opportunity and challenge for me.

for example, confront issues: ever since i moved away and started college, confrontation has been a huge lesson i've learned. 2011 held some huge issues, and i had to confront people i had known all my life, which is way harder than confronting people you aren't so deeply attached to. there's much more to lose in those conflicts, but also, so much to gain. and i'm so grateful for all the struggles, because they have deepened friendships and strengthened me. dating has also opened up a lot of opportunity to practice confrontation. when you have a person and they're your best friend and you spend time with them almost every day, it becomes really obvious when i have a problem...i can't hide it. learning to be confrontational, but also tactful and loving is a lesson i'll constantly be learning, and something T is patiently teaching me. for that, i'm extremely thankful.

i did go on a road trip (a few in fact) and reclaim my straight A's. i bought an SLR camera and learned much more about photography. i did something different, started saying 'i love you' much more, prayed more, and drank more tea...and tons more coffee. but all of those things seem petty in the big picture. they're a way of life, but they're not my purpose.

this year, i have one resolution. well, it has a few parts - but it's one idea.

be content. be content in my circumstances, no matter what they are, instead of wasting time and energy comparing my life to others. this year is going to be bring a lot of change, not in my life directly, but in the lives of my friends, and that's going to affect me. my best friend is getting married in a month, people have been getting engaged up the wazoo lately, and i suspect there are more weddings happening in the very near future, many of my close friends are graduating, and things are going to look very different in my world by this time next year. it'll all be for the better, i don't have a doubt about that, but my life might look very much the same next year. i'll still be at CSULB, i'll still be living on Long Beach, and i'll still be dating T (as far as i know ;]). as other people charge on into new stages of life, it's going to be very easy for jealousy to rear its big ugly head. that's why i'm resolving to practice contentment, because i know it'll be challenging.

part 2 is this: live in the moment. don't worry about the future or constantly plan ahead. be prepared, but not obsessed. God places small blessings in my life every day. i don't want to miss them just because i'm too busy thinking ahead. does that make sense? i'm a planner, and already, i've found myself starting to worry about situations i have no control over right now. who will i be living with next year? where will i live? what will i do over the summer? thankfully, T is completely the opposite, and so together, we balance each other out pretty well. i want to live in every day, every moment, and not waste time stressing and fretting over things that might not even happen, things i have no control over. every day, i want to better trust God with my plans, and rest in the knowledge that His plans are best.

so there you have it. 2012, i'm excited for all the change you promise. by the end of this year, i'll be on the brink of graduation and huge changes in my own life. but God still has a lot to do through me and through T & i over this next year, and i'm excited for Him to use us. i'm trying not to get ahead of Him, because He still has big things in store. i just know it.

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