May 31, 2013


the last 2 days have been spent organizing, packing, & moving - i have sifted through my entire wardrobe and all my belongings. you'd think that after moving 12 times in the last 4 years i'd be a pro at this now, but i'm not, and there's nothing i don't look forward to more than a move - again. throw in the fact that my fiance and his big muscles are coincidentally out of town this weekend (it was a pre-arranged trip and there's nothing he could have done otherwise - honestly, i'm glad he's having such a fun man-weekend away!), and you have a very mentally/emotionally/physically exhausted girl.

on tuesday, we signed the lease to our wonderful little apartment, but it isn't move-in ready until sunday. about 6 weeks ago, my landlords asked me to move out by may 31st since they were expecting family to visit and needed the space i lived in. in between may 31st and june 2nd are a few funky days, and i'm now in the midst of those.

half of my belongings are stored in my old loft until sunday, so we can just move it straight into the apartment instead of moving things twice - and for that i am so thankful. travis' truck is filled with boxes that are ready to go, and the rest of my life is packed into one little suitcase - the necessities i'll need for the next few days. i feel like a nomad tonight, and i hate it.

i wish my best friend was here so that the loneliness hovering at the edge of every plan and thought wouldn't overwhelm me. i'm currently spending the next few nights at a friend's house, but they're out of town until monday night. so i'm sitting in a big, empty house with a suitcase next to the bed and the rest of my life in boxes, waiting to move into its new home. if i'm being honest, bitterness is hovering at the edge too - jealousy that T is having the time of his life with some of his best friends celebrating an upcoming marriage, envy because my grandparents are up north visiting my family and i so desperately wish i was eating dinner and enjoying game night like they are right now. another part of me feels rejected, kicked out to fend for myself without a home base until we create our own home base again.

dinner was a bowl of popcorn and a glass of water - the joys of having your pantry stored up in boxes as well.

i may be an introvert, but i do not like being alone. i don't need a lot of people - just one, maybe two, or just family. 48 hours of endless moving is enough alone-time.

on the flip side, i am so excited for my first bridal shower tomorrow afternoon - i wish i could just sleep until noon and wake up and go, so that i wouldn't have to spend the morning puttering about and keeping myself productive. but i dread the evening after, when after all the love and celebrating has ended, i'll drive home to that big, empty foreign house again and wish myself to sleep as quick as possible.

it all sounds very dramatic, i know, but it's not fun to be in the middle of it. i am so thankful for a roof over my head and the hospitality of friends. i just wish the timing had all turned out a little differently, and i keep praying for understanding of His plan and peace about this transition. but really, i would love to push fast-forward and be over this.

May 8, 2013

engagement photos // wide open spaces

where has the time gone today?! that's all i keep thinking...also, my eyes can hardly focus on the computer screen for one more minute, and all i've wanted to do since the minute after i stumbled out of bed this morning is to fall right back into my sheets and sleep for days. but this is the last week of classes, my lesson plan and final presentation are due in 26 hours, my portfolio should also technically be finished tomorrow, and finals are next week - so suck it up buttercup, the real world needs you!

today, i'm sharing the second half of our engagement session - a few beautiful hours spent in the golden hills of orange county. i seriously loved this part of the day, and i want to go back to these fields just to explore a little more - it was beautiful!

today marks ninety-five days until our wedding day - depending on how i look at it, it either totally freaks me out, or i just can't wait for day zero to get here! there is so much we still need to, things that have been put on hold as we wrap up college, and yet i just can't wait to wake up the morning after our wedding day, look at that handsome man of mine and whisper, we're married. even just thinking about it now puts a smile on my face...a smile like this:

 just as we walked toward the sunlight, hand-in-hand and side-by-side, i cannot wait to journey the rest of our life together. sometimes, we'll be heading into unknowns, sometimes into seasons of joy or seasons of sorrow, but no matter what, we'll be there together - always. 

 all photos taken by Jordan Lewis Photography

May 6, 2013


this weekend, love looked like

a 2 hour car trip just to be together

taking a detour to visit one of our spots

making meatloaf for dinner
stopping at the bookstore to run an errand
butting heads, but resolving to work it out
lots of prayer
an early morning church service
spending the day apartment hunting and spending more time praying for our future

buying a latte

proofreading my thesis
pushing the grocery cart
standing in line at the theater for an hour
sneaking coffee into the movies
holding hands during the sermon
talking about the things God is doing in our life
realizing our wedding day/night is less than 100 days away
grabbing mission slip letters from the church office
stealing kisses

2 years ago, i gave my first kiss to this man, a kiss i'd been saving for my whole life - i think at this moment i said, 'aren't you glad i'm a much better kisser now than i was then?' ;]

putting his hand on my knee while i drove and he read
and learning how to love more selflessly.

the greatest thing about love is that it chooses you, and you choose it in return - every day, every hour, no matter what.

standing at the spot where T asked me to be his girl over 2 years ago!

i hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

May 1, 2013

engagement photos // a starbucks date

a few weeks ago, T and i had our engagement photos taken, and i am so excited to share them today! 

if there are a few things you should know about us, one of them is that we love coffee, and we love going on coffee shop dates together. so, i thought it'd be appropriate to start our afternoon at our local starbucks. we stop by this place almost every day a couple times a week, and the baristas have become friends to us. it's a little awesome ridiculous, seriously. these might be some of my favorite photos, because they're just so us. the silly-ness, the fun, the little moments in between. and the constant cup of coffee in my hand.

they say pictures are worth a thousand words - the glances and the uncontainable smiles in these photos? they say more than i ever could with words. 

a huge thank you to our sweet friend, Jordan Lewis, for capturing these. you guys should definitely check out her new site and like her Facebook page!