January 29, 2011

jump, then fall.

so i've been pondering about the topic of my next "serious" blog post...and it's taken me forever to come up with something. not because there's nothing going on, but because there's so MUCH going on that my mind & my heart can't handle it. and it's crazy cool. tonight i'm finally able to get it out...well, a part of it:

i'm a logical person, in case you haven't noticed. don't get me wrong: i am a hopeless romantic, a sucker for a good love story, a regular church crybaby, and a helpless mess when it comes to little kids, but in the end, mind often trumps heart. i process, i organize, & i analyze. obsessively so. but then sometimes i wonder if it's ok to just turn off your mind and follow your heart & just let yourself be happy because for some reason, God has allowed you to be when you least deserve it.

in our day & age, "follow your heart" is a cliche, and unfortunately, one that's all too often followed--blindly so. too often people let their hearts go, let their guard down, and in their moments of vulnerability and weakness, they are brutally trampled, tossed to the side, the left to lick their bitter wounds. in the end, more often than not, our society encourages us to be callous, shrewd, and in essence, forget our hearts, because to be heartless results in less pain. we can shut off the pain, numb ourselves from the hurt, and forget our humanity--meanwhile hurting countless others around us. and i understand that, believe me i do...but, this was NOT God's intention.

God loves vulnerability. He sees no shame in your weakness, no humiliation in your mistakes. He loves it all, because it's impossible for Him not to. and yet at the same time, it hurts Him to see us throw our hearts at whoever will take a second glance at it. the Word encourages us to "guard our hearts," because they are fragile, they are unique, they are beautiful, and honestly? not everyone deserves to see your heart, much less have it.

i think the beautiful thing i've been learning lately, however, is that when God is in the middle of it, and when your heart is so desperately bound to God's, it's ok to let it go. because if our hope is in Christ, and if we are passionately in love with Him, then our heart belongs to Him, and Him only. that person we are tempted to give it to, will never completely have it until they seek God for it, whether that's a boy, a girl, a lover, or just a friend. and in that, we can feel safe & protected, cherished & loved.

heartbreak is a constant fear for everyone of us i think. at least it is for me. but when you know without a doubt that it's GOD who holds your heart, then it won't be us picking up the shattered pieces if it's broken. God will be the one guarding it with all He is, and slowly opening it up in relationship as we pursue each other and pursue Him. and if our heart is broken? then it will be God putting it back together, not us desperately scrambling for the pieces.

oh dear, isn't it just a beautiful thing? to know that God holds our heart, and when He leads, it's ok to trust, & then jump head on into our fears? whether it be a best friend who broke your trust, a parent who forgot you, or the unknown that's soon to be known, lay it before God. He knows you best; He created you. he weaved your soul, your desires, your longings, your personality, your quirks together in the most beautiful masterpiece He ever created. He finished and said, "she's perfect," "he is perfect." and that's all there is to it.

He's pursuing you. trust Him. it'll be the ride of your life.

January 28, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.


look who i ran into at lunch! it is such a joy seeing familiar faces on campus...


there's nothing better than a caramel frap on a warm afternoon during a class break/coffee chat with a dear friend...

my heart, God's heart.

{these words are what my heart has been searching for, and there's no better way to say them}

"delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

commit your way to the Lord.
trust in him and he will do this:

he will make your righteousness shine like the dawn.

be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him."

psalm 37:4-7

January 25, 2011


hey world. enter my spastic mind.

- first day of school outfits are SO overrated.

- cal state needs to create a bike line. walkers are ob-liv-i-ous.

- i am taking 5 upper-division classes, an honors class, & 3 capstones. shoot me, shake me, say your good-byes.

- 2 of my classes are in the same rooms i had last semester...interesting.

- tonight, i had my first class in LA1...that building always mystified me...now i know, it's pretty cool.

- in the past 3 months i've taken laundry home, couch surfed, & officially taken a night class. college-esque i think?

- college professors clearly don't collaborate with each other, because there is NO way i can read 8 novels & text readings. i'm going to officially die.

- speaking of, a few of my resolutions have been challenged in the past month: stay on top of class readings, don't avoid confrontation, go to bed at a reasonable hour, & more. goodness, it's only january...

- the verse "charm is deceptive & beauty is fleeting" has been rolling through my mind...what's on the inside is worth so much more.

- i have a serious blog coming up, i promise...but as of right now, i'm losing my mind. plain & simple.

wish me luck as i go down in a blaze of glory this spring.

oh and p.s. teacher crushes never get old. hello noah calhoun in. the. flesh.

.a PiCtUrE a day.


don't bubbles just remind you of childhood? what a nostalgic moment this was:

[the happiest place on earth, a place where dreams come true.]

January 24, 2011

a day in the life

at last that dreadful day arrived--time to leave the josie house...

...but not without a few roomie adventures first.

hello panera:

nerd glasses:

the shiz glasses:

and my glasses which decided to go all harry potter on me:

after a million too many bread-y carbs & pounds of yogurtland, good-byes were said, & the 10 minute trek down palo verde began. after a few trips up the stairs, sweet hellos & reunions, an entirely too wild floor meeting, a thorough music swap with manda bear, and unpacking to my heart's content, all was back to normal...& the shenanigans with these 2 beautiful girls started again:

what a bittersweet day it was. in all seriousness, i am so thankful for beautiful sisters in Christ, friends with loving advice & kind hearts, and constant opportunities to build God-honoring friendships.

{hey spring 2011? let's kick some butt}

January 23, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.

among the million & one great things about my church, this is one of the greatest: it has a steeple (& white pillars and red brick, just fyi). i don't know what it is about the steeple, the tradition it represents, the timelessness, whatever it may be, i love it, and along with the beautiful people, some great teaching, and fantastic worship & fellowship, it's another reason i love sunday mornings.


i am SO indecisive. but i'm almost 100% sure that i love this new look. and i just had to devote a whole post to the change. so here you are, & that is all.

oh by the way, happy sunday!

.a PiCtUrE a day.

can i just tell you how thankful i am for incredible girlfriends? like seriously, the most amazing ladies. whatever would i do without their listening ear, sound counsel, and loving advice?

i didn't get to snap a picture with amurrrzzzz, but you can check out her heart here. it's a pretty cool thing. and i adore coffee chats...in case you hadn't picked up on that yet.

in other news, this is a legitimate russian babushka...she's pretty cool:

January 22, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.

hey world...i've been slacking...let's catch up:


i was driving to work & this caught my eye & brought about a big smile...thank goodness for cell phone cameras:


have i mentioned that this is one of my favorite places ever? hello planners, books, calendars, travel books, more books, journals, & more books galore.


getting a new CSULB shirt for work (& for free) was most definitely the highlight of the day...it just called for some webcam fun:

oh & hey world? let's make tomorrow a beautiful day.

January 21, 2011

a girl's thoughts on {guys & girls}.

a few days i told you love is a funny thing. well today, i'm going to let you in on a little secret: girls are a funny thing. in fact, we're ridiculous. it's not such a secret after all.

fun fact about deb: i am the queen of unrequited love. the queen. don't fight me. don't try to dethrone me. i've claimed it. but the last year has been a serious wake up call...where do we, as girls, place our worth? where do we find it? do we allow others to define us? do we allow our feelings to rule us? why why why do we doubt ourselves when time & time again God so desperately tries to show us that He is madly, deeply, & passionately in love with us? seriously, what's our problem?

this message is for the all the beautiful women i know. women who are funny, smart, silly, talented, Godly, inspiring, & dear friends. women who doubt themselves, who don't see what i see, what others see, and what God sees. but at the same time, this message is for the boys, the ones who impact us in ways we can't even imagine. the ones who can break our hearts, heal our hearts, romance our hearts, & protect our hearts.

God has crazy good things in store. honestly, i don't know who's going to read this, but whoever it is, this message is for you. you are incredible. you are here for a reason. you are you for a reason. you are cherished. you are irreplaceable. you are loved. it must break God's heart to see us doubt that.


hear this. in the past month God has shown me some wild things, and for some reason, i can't help but spill them out for everyone to hear. i wish i could spare you the pain of rejection, the self-doubt, the stupid crushes that do nothing but mess with our heads & hurt our hearts. that cute guy you're madly in love with? he's not for you. and if he is, he's not for you right now. character is so much more important than his good looks, his lopsided his smile, his smiling eyes, and his great back. yes, back. does he live with integrity? does he look out for the weaker ones? does he talk with God, daily, intimately, & devotedly? does he serve? does he remember what you told him yesterday? does he ask you about your day? does he respect you? does he treat you as a sister? unromantically, does he protect you, look out for you, honor you? is he a friend? someone you can laugh with, play with, someone who draws you out? because if he's not those things, he's not God's will for your life, at least not now. love is so much more than an obsessive crush.

love is something that will carry us through for the rest of our lives. if that boy isn't those things, then i encourage you, as a single girl myself, to wait patiently. that boy might not give you the time of day, but God is daily pursuing you. He is captivated by you. He loves you in your sweats, without your makeup on, in your silliest moments, in your most vulnerable moments. He sees the things that others fail to notice. He laughs at the corny joke you just made & has already forgotten that dumb thing you did yesterday (that you're probably still beating yourself up about). you know why? because He's enchanted by you, and there is nothing you can do to make Him fall out of love with you. not. one. thing. that boy? he has no idea what he's missing, but when the boy shows up, he will fall in love with you because you are madly in love with God. make that your life. cultivate Godly beauty. become that (proverbs 31) woman.


i hope you didn't skip those last two paragraphs, because they're the most vulnerable look you'll get into a girl's heart. you want to know something? i am incredibly grateful for you, whoever you are. yes guys make us so mad, confuse us, irritate us, and keep us up at night, but you guys are the highlight of God's creation. you are our rescuers. if anything, a girl wants to feel safe with a guy. we are so fragile, even if we don't show it, so easily broken, and more than anything, we want to be cradled and cherished. as much as we strive to find that rest in the arms of God, you are as close to it as we'll get on earth. if we are all created in God's image, then you, men, are God's warrior side. you are fighters, protectors, insanely jealous, and incredibly loving. you are the complete opposite of us, our perfect puzzle piece. even if you don't know it, we look up to you.

believe me, girls are a basket case, and as independent & strong & intimidating as that girl seems to be, she is waiting for you to break down those walls, either by crashing through them or patiently climbing them. please, don't let them hinder you. after years of rejection, self-doubt, and inner struggle, those walls are the only protection we have. they're not there to shut out; they are there to test. will you be the guy to show strength, courage, patience, and enduring love? will you be the one to tear down our walls, take us by the hand, and show us a side of God we never knew? will you love us, wholly, completely, and forever?

on behalf of many girls though, i'd like to apologize to you. i know that we've forgotten our role as Godly women, and in the meantime, we have hurt you, injured your pride, undermined your manhood, and stripped you of the things we need you to be. so please, step up & show us what we've been missing. encourage us to be Godly women. help us to encourage you to be Godly men. we need you, we really do. don't let society's "independent woman" fad kid you. we need real men.

i found this passage in a book the other day, and i absolutely loved it, so i'm going to close with this:

[eve was not taken out of adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him]

let's be the people God intended us to be.

January 19, 2011

love is a many splendored thing.

i'm not sure how to start this blog. all i know is that many things have been running through my head over the last few days, or as my best friend would say, i've been "pensing." i'm not even sure what it's all about, so i guess i'll settle with this.

love is a funny, funny thing. i remember being a little girl and always wishing i could be the flower girl. when i turned 15, i fell in love with boys, unhealthily, but humorously so (but i console myself with the fact that basically every girl went a little boy-crazy sometime in her teenage years). at 18, i couldn't wait to head off to college and meet some "real men," and now a year later, i've learned that God brings people into your life when you least expect them, and that before i'm ready for that "real man," i need to be completely in love with Him. and slowly but surely i'm learning that to be in love with God means more than saying you love Him. it means talking with Him everyday, even when you're not in the "mood." it means acting selflessly, even when you feel like being selfish. it means listening carefully & talking less. it means falling in love with the things that make God's heart pound. it means that your heart breaks for the things that break God's. and i'm still not totally there, but He is patient, unfailing, and forever pursuing us, romancing us.

falling in love must be a scary thing. falling in love with God, not so much. falling in love with a guy, who knows? it can catch us off guard, come out of nowhere. it's the one thing most of us have wanted all our lives, whether we've known it or not. if God is love and we are created in His image, shouldn't we desire love as well? in terms of "that guy," it means letting someone completely in, knowing only that God holds your heart. it means hoping that "that guy" loves God more than he loves you, knowing that God cherishes you, and trusting that "the guy" will treasure you in the same unconditional way.

all i know, is that falling in love with God is the first step to finding true love anywhere else.

January 18, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.


there's something about trees, skies, and God's flawless creation that just makes me want to capture it.

.a PiCtUrE a day.


my dear laura jenkins is back in town...let the disney/history/school adventures begin!

p.s. world, this couple is pretty cool. just thought you should know.

January 17, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.


breaded chicken.
cream sauce.

January 16, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.


no picture today, but a fun first-time hollywood adventure: an advanced screening of an upcoming movie. and since no cameras were allowed, i'm leaving you with this:

go see it.

January 14, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.

downtown disney. this dear girl. i'm obsessed, with both. oh and coffee & heart to hearts. all of the above made my heart happy today, and every day.

January 13, 2011

pianos falling from the sky.

there is this blogger i'm a little crazy about. click here and check him out.

today i read this & stole it from him because it echoes the same thing i think day in and day out. as much as my heart desires for each person to see God in everything, for Him to receive all the glory, for someone to see a sunset and realize God's hand painted it, to look at the stars and see that God placed them, to feel the wind and know that God moved it, i'm guilty of often forgetting all those wonders myself.

"What if you spent all day, weeks even, working on a surprise for your spouse or your girlfriend; your best friend? Spending hours putting together something you knew without a doubt they were going to love. You went out of your way, inconvenienced your life, just to make them smile when they walked through the door. The moment comes, everything is ready, and they just walk by, oblivious. How devastated would you be? How bad would that hurt if your efforts went unnoticed? Again and again?

How do you think God feels with every sunset we ignore, every rainbow we walk under, the eclipses we miss because there was something better on TV, the flowers growing on the side of the road, the colors of the leaves, the shades of yellow and orange and red spilled across the sky, the constellations we’ve forgotten the names of, yet He does these things again and again, every. single. day, without waver, hoping beyond hope that maybe tomorrow, just maybe, you’ll notice."

today i wasted a beautiful afternoon...though i guiltily reveled in the hour of mindless television & additional hour of ruthless facebook stalking, i ended it feeling absolutely pointless. & outside God had blessed us with a spectacular day. i'm not perfect, [i hate to break it to you, but you aren't either], and i hope that today was step 1 in learning to make the most of every single day.

so max, thanks for reminding me & being my piano falling from the sky.

.a PiCtUrE a day.


today my heart craved a used bookstore. so i ventured and found one:

January 12, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.

food picture experimenting. there's nothing better than a fresh salad.

.a PiCtUrE a day.


happy half birthday to my roomie & i!

a) it is so fun having a birthday twin...even if we're only halfway there...

b) disneyland spontaneity is the best. on top of losing cars in the parking structure, riding california screamin twice in a row, and soaring over california...as well as all the magical things that happen at the happiest place on earth.

c) movie nights. family dinners. & campfire chat til early into the morning are the most fun.

d) 4 hours of sleep IS enough to survive an 8-hour workday. been there, done that, & it was all worth it.

January 10, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.

we love girl time, boy talk, take out, family dinners, movie nights, disneyland adventures, crying on each other's shoulders, laughing uncontrollably, working together, having parties, & sharing birthdays. oh & p.s. we're pretty sweet roomies.

.a PiCtUrE a day.


family dinner with friends...the perks of living in a house:

p.s. country strong? incredible. always choose love.

January 9, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.

pasta leads to roman dreams...oh italy, i can't wait to meet you in the fall...

January 8, 2011

remember the footsteps, remember the words said.

do you ever wonder what it is that shaped you into the person you are today? i do.

at age 6, i would have never guessed i'd be living in southern california, be completely OCD, love photography, have a baby brother, & be fatherless yet deeply know the love of the greatest Father of all.

at age 6, i was the middle child of 3, lived in Scotland, played pretend teacher in my room with my dolls, & was a curly headed rambler. i guess some things haven't changed.

it's funny how much you take with you from your past. i was always headstrong and bossy. still the same, though i've learned some precious lessons to counter it. i loved talking. i loved being a girly girl. and i loved adventure. but life has thrown curveballs.

i'm now 19, the second oldest of 5, have 2 homes, & am studying to become a real teacher.

i'm thankful for every bit of it. who knew i'd meet all these people, and leave others behind? to all reading...your story is unique & incredible. i love looking at people and considering where they came from. there are so many things we don't know about each other, things we reserve for those closest to us, those who shared our past with us. but in everything, we fondly savor the past, and boldly press on to the future. who knows what life will look like when i'm 29...

.a PiCtUrE a day.


i missed a day. i know. but in all honesty, yesterday was your average chores & work day...& though friends & memories made it fun, one thing truly cracked me up:

circa 2003: awkward 12 year olds getting ready to go on braces and puberty. seriously, did we think we looked good? i guarantee you this isn't even the worst of it. i have deleted thousands & thousands of photos that were a reflection of the ridiculous obsession my best friend now, & then, and i have with pictures. but each one of those is a memory. a precious one. and i am so thankful for her friendship. oh the blackmail i stumbled upon...

January 6, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.

of all the things i believe, this i know best: God is creative, imaginative, and infinite. nature is the reflection of His work; & tonight he painted the sky so beautifully that i've left it unedited & untouched.

to think that the as we watch the sun set & come to the end of our day, in another country, on another continent, another culture sees it rise & wakes to a new day. even oceans apart, we are somehow all intertwined...is that way cheeseball?

January 5, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.

though it may seem a little cruel & insensitive to declare this the picture of the day, it was the absolute best discovery of today...of the year in fact.

the funny part is the story behind it. just picture 2 silly college girls driving, spotting this, chucking some crazy u-turn moves, and whipping into the wienerschnitzel parking lot to catch a closer glimpse of this home on wheels, literally. a quick snapshot & then it was throwing the car into reverse before we got shot. so is life in the lbc hood.

what's not funny is the reality of the picture, but in a way, it's inspiring. a symbol of hope, of rolling with the punches, & making the best of any situation...& of using creativity and innovation to just "make it work" (complete with a flashing brake light & a spray bottle of cleaner).

dear man, sorry for taking a picture of your home...an invasion of privacy perhaps, but you are the coolest bum i have ever encountered. & now you're famous.

January 4, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.


[road trips.] [fog.] [snow.] [sunshine.] [God talks on AM radio.] [grocery shopping with amanda.] [cooking dinner.] [prayer with friends.] [mom chats.] [guitar jam sessions.] [the notebook.] [starbucks.] [planning.]

today has consisted of things i love, a lot. it was a day of good-byes and hellos, & strangely, i miss home a bit. but i'm excited for all the fun adventures about to happen here in the lbc. especially with my new roomie (for the next 3 weeks). i love her:

January 3, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.


what a wonderful day filled with chilly 14 degree mornings, plenty of snowboarding, family time, in n out, and best friend family time...& packing. back to lb in the morning...i can't wait.

what a great new year it's already been...i cannot wait for all the adventures to follow.

p.s. kim bim & i are champs. she makes me smile:

January 2, 2011

.a PiCtUrE a day.

{01.02.2011} hanging out with this beautiful woman of God made. my. day.. oh, how i will miss her when maui steals her back:

{01.01.2011} bringing in the new year with the dearest mom in the world:

[two. oh. one. one.]

in previous years, resolutions usually consisted of "lose weight, go to the gym everyday..." & the like. but dear 2011, this year i have firm goals, characteristics to develop, and a desire to end this year more grounded spiritually, more adventured, a better friend, and a stronger woman of God...ready, set, go:

- do not get a parking ticket.
- yell at drivers less...cultivate patience.
- laugh more, worry less.
- sleep more.
- go to bed at a reasonable hour.
- don't waste a precious minute.
- cultivate reliability: text people back. respond to messages. keep in touch.
- confront issues.
- vote as often as possible, and politically educate myself.
- stay up to date with the news: podcast.
- learn to lead worship playing either guitar or piano.
- study for tests, keep up on class readings.
- use the shuttle less. bike/walk to class more often.
- ride the bus to work.
- ride my bike to run local errands.
- blog more.
- take a photography class.
- spend time outside every day.
- read (at least) a chapter of the Bible every day.
- wake up, & talk with God.
- go to bed, talking with God.
- go on a road trip.
- be spontaneous.
- balance friendships & to-do lists.
- listen more, talk less.
- pray more, gripe less.
- impress others less. impress God instead.
- save & tithe consistently.
- buy only what you love.
- eat out less, be health/money-conscious about meals.
- don't eat after 7:30pm (except Yogurtland, of course).
- drink more tea, less coffee.
- cherish friends, family, & love. always.
- visit Les in Hawaii.
- continue to trust in God's plan, & live life for its eternal purpose.
- study abroad.
- do not talk behind people's backs, even if others are doing it.
- do something different.
- listen to Jesus music more, & pointless music less.
- write a song.
- don't forget anyone's birthday...in fact, send them a card.
- reclaim straight A's.
- give gifts randomly.
- pray, & then be impulsive.
- say what you mean, always mean what you say.
- eat out less.
- live a healthy lifestyle: balanced meals, regular exercise, fresh air.
- finish the lit girl thread collaboration.
- memorize a scripture per week.
- take a picture every day of something that made me smile.
- read more, watch less TV.
- minimize facebook time...(give it up for a month?)
- go to a concert.
- when i say "i'll pray for you," PRAY.
- finish the Old Testament.
- visit Balboa Park.
- keep up on class readings.
- write letters to dear friends.
- don't overdraw my checking account.
- save up for an SRL camera.
- when studying abroad: [visit Greece, the UK, Sicily, Verona, Prague, & the Croatian coast.] [attend church in Rome.] [take the train on an adventure.] [play guitar & sing in the piazza.] [throw a coin in the Trevi fountain.] [take a "leaning" tower of Pisa picture.]
- develop honesty.
- say "i love you" more often.

January 1, 2011

{one. one. one one.}

...or {two. oh. one. one.}...

hello new year's day, how i love you. a fresh start. sleeping in. family time. & rain.

about a week ago, i determined to come into the new year with nothing on the to-do list, no bills to pay, and no baggage from 2010. all was going well. to-do list? well, there are something things that could only be completed in january...so, oh well. no bills to pay? check. but i'm broke. hello holiday season. no baggage? all was well, until unforeseen circumstances blew up my NYE. & as much as i would like to let it just go, & forgive & forget, i am a little bit upset & i'd like to just give some people a piece of my mind. but alas, so is life.

as for the 2011 bucket list? it must be revised...but right now my head is not screwed on & i can't keep my thoughts straight, so i'll save that for next time. but seriously? i can't wait for all this year has to hold.

p.s. new year on the blog archive? tripping me out a little bit.