a heart to heart with a dear friend.

{the blog got a facelift again...i know, i need to stop. take it as a sign of my indecisiveness.}

high expectations lead to easier disappointments. or at least so i've found.

is it a flaw to expect the most of people? to long for them to be all they can be?

i find myself often "fixing" people, and though i know that God has created each person uniquely and individually, i think that oftentimes people themselves don't see that. this life is not meant to be lived selfishly, but in constant awareness of those around us. what a scary place it would be if we all did as we pleased.

a part of me can't wait for heaven. i'm excited for all the adventure this life still has to hold, but when i get to heaven? oh what a beautiful day that will be. no tears. no fears. no jealousy. no insecurity. no pain. no suffering. no envy. no restlessness. no disappointment. no struggle. only love.

but for now, this world is full of all those things, and not enough love...love for ourselves, love for each other, love for God.

more than anything, it breaks my heart to see people sell themselves short. every heart holds so much potential, every life so much beauty. and yet, we can't see it in ourselves.

{& yes, this was inspired by a 2 hour coffee chat...hence the struggle to condense it into a simple post.}

in other news, it's time to attempt ice skating again...at least i will be surrounded by these beautiful ladies:

oh, my pensive heart.

i don't know what it is about december, but i am definitely adoring this whole blog yourself/read other people's blogs thing. maybe it's because it's winter, and for me, the season is about peace, rest, enjoying & cherishing time with loved ones, and serious reflection.

i cannot believe all this year has held, its challenges & joys, struggles & victories. and through it all GOD has been faithful. if i know anything, it is that in this past year, HE has proved himself faithful countless times, & i only love Him more each day (though i confess, i need to practice proving that to Him more).

christmas was wonderful, & i hope yours was as well. there's nothing like waking up bright & early, waking everyone else up, taking stockings down from the fireplace, opening presents, creating a sea of gift wrap & tissue paper around the tree, watching others open gifts, enjoying family time, delicious dinners, & dressing up...(only to completely vacuum & dust the house after everyone left, because i'm OCD like that, and well, it's my kind of therapy).

i adore quiet days at home, taking pictures, looking at pictures, writing, singing for all to hear, catching up with friends, drinking tea (& coffee), and baking. so my life sounds dull. maybe to some it is, but to me, it's perfect. i am so overwhelmed by God's provision, so thankful for this beautiful life i've been blessed with. the road hasn't been charmed, the journey not always easy. but after every bend in the road, God remained (& will always remain) the same. thank goodness.

2011 i can't believe you're almost here, but i am SO excited for all that's ahead. p.s. i am so thankful that i have found my identity in Christ. i hurt for the people who are still "trying to figure themselves out." i know that life still has much to teach me, and that i still have a lot to figure out. but for me, it's not a burden, it's an adventure, because i KNOW that in all of it, He will be there. i am loved, i am not alone, i am led...& i am grateful.

i was inspired by a friend of mine to say this: i am bubbly, and yet introverted; social, and yet a hermit; adventurous, and yet a homebody; open-hearted, and yet selectively vulnerable. through it all, life has taught me that your heart will always be at home, always with those you love most, those who teach you the most, challenge you, and those whom you will always cherish. friendships are not measured by their quantity, but by their quality. i have one best friend, few close friends, and yet i am blessed beyond measure by their hearts & their love. who could ask for more?

as we head into this new year, remember to love more, laugh more, and cherish & adore the things your heart holds close, because time changes, we change, but HE remains faithful. always & forever. may God continue to unveil his beauty to you each day, & may you find peace & rest in His loving arms.

merry christmas to all.

so...

a) the blog got a face lift. a much needed one at that.

b) my little sister just sleep-walked. legitimately. i wish i had a camera for moments like those.

c) a little part of me wants to take one picture every day for a whole year. ridiculous i know (but not really since my camera is basically just an extension of my right arm), but it would be a little fun don't you think? k, maybe that's just me.

d) i'm not as bad as ice skater as i thought i was. not great, but not bad.


e) i have discovered a new blog & i love it & i think you should check it out too: http://makeitmad.com/ (thanks again stumbleupon.com)

f) it's christmas eve, which in case you didn't know is my absolute favorite night of the year (new year's eve ranks a close second). what a beautiful night of family fun, memories, and awestruck reflection on what a glorious thing happened 2000 years ago. there is nothing more beautiful than hearing hundreds of voices reverently singing "silent night."

g) like i said, it's christmas eve, so that means movie & memory time with the siblings.

merry christmas. may it be a blessed one no matter how difficult things may be, or how much you may hate the christmas season (which is absolutely appalling, and if you do, i certainly don't want to hear about it). forget wordly woes and familial worries, and indulge in a day of giving (...& receiving), feasting, celebrating, reflecting, and rejoicing. it truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

early to bed, early to rise, makes a man (girl) healthy, wealthy, & wise.

bucket list 2011:

- do not get a parking ticket.
- yell at drivers less...cultivate patience.
- laugh more, worry less.
- sleep more.
- go to bed at a reasonable hour.
- don't waste a precious minute.
- cultivate reliability: text people back. respond to messages. keep in touch.
- confront issues.
- vote as often as possible, and politically educate myself.
- stay up to date with the news: podcast.
- learn to lead worship playing either guitar or piano.
- study for tests, keep up on class readings.
- use the shuttle less. bike/walk to class more often.
- ride the bus to work.
- ride my bike to run local errands.
- blog more.
- take a photography class.
- spend time outside every day.
- read (at least) a chapter of the Bible every day.
- wake up, & talk with God.
- go to bed, talking with God.
- go on a road trip.
- be spontaneous.
- balance friendships & to-do lists.
- listen more, talk less.
- pray more, gripe less.
- impress others less. impress God instead.
- save & tithe consistently.
- buy only what you love.
- eat out less, be health/money-conscious about meals.
- don't eat after 7:30pm (except Yogurtland, of course).
- drink more tea, less coffee.
- cherish friends, family, & love. always.
- visit Les in Hawaii.
- continue to trust in God's plan, & live life for its eternal purpose.
- study abroad.
- do not talk behind people's backs, even if others are doing it.
- do something different.
- listen to Jesus music more, & pointless music less.
- write a song.
- don't forget anyone's birthday.
- reclaim straight A's.
- give gifts randomly.
- pray, & then be impulsive.
- say what you mean, always mean what you say.

twothousandeleven, i can't wait to see what you have in store...

one decade. a million changes.

this is mind-boggling. check it.

morning glory.

doesn't the idea of running through new york city in high heels & a pencil skirt, rambling on your blackberry, dodging taxis, and all the while looking fabulous sound fun? the answer is yes, yes it does.

for a single girl, THAT sounds like the life...and there's a piece of me that kind of hopes i get to experience that. to be free. no strings. ready to move to a crazy job in a big new city, one that requires hard work, wit, late nights, new relationships, and results in an extreme sense of satisfaction.

who knows what God's plan is...i'm just saying, i would be ok with that, for a little while...right before i learned the "people are more important than your career" lesson. then i'd be ready for the next chapter.

simplify.

stumbleupon.com is by far the biggest time waster i've ever come across...but i found this...

in this day & age, life is far too complicated & fast...these few gems are, in my opinion, priceless bits of advice:

Life is not complex. We are complex. Life is simple,
and the simple thing is the right thing.
- Oscar Wilde

1. Don’t try to read other people’s minds. Don’t make other people try to read yours. Communicate.
2. Be polite, but don’t try to be friends with everyone around you. Instead, spend time nurturing your relationships with the people who matter most to you.
3. Your health is your life, keep up with it. Get an annual physical check-up.
4. Live below your means. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need. Always sleep on big purchases. Create a budget and savings plan and stick to both of them.
5. Get enough sleep every night. An exhausted mind is rarely productive.
6. Get up 30 minutes earlier so you don’t have to rush around like a mad man. That 30 minutes will help you avoid speeding tickets, tardiness, and other unnecessary headaches.
7. Get off your high horse, talk it out, shake hands or hug, and move on.
8. Don’t waste your time on jealousy. The only person you’re competing against is yourself.
9. Surround yourself with people who fill your gaps. Let them do the stuff they’re better at so you can do the stuff you’re better at.
10. Organize your living space and working space.
11. Get rid of stuff you don’t use.
12. Ask someone if you aren’t sure.
13. Spend a little time now learning a time-saving trick or shortcut that you can use over and over again in the future.
14. Don’t try to please everyone. Just do what you know is right.
15. Don’t drink alcohol or consume recreational drugs when you’re mad or sad. Take a jog instead.
16. Be sure to pay your bills on time.
17. Fill up your gas tank on the way home, not in the morning when you’re in a hurry.
18. Use technology to automate tasks.
19. Handle important two-minute tasks immediately.
20. Relocate closer to your place of employment.
21. Don’t steal.
22. Always be honest with yourself and others.
23. Say “I love you” to your loved ones as often as possible.
24. Single-task. Do one thing at a time and give it all you got.
25. Finish one project before you start another.
26. Be yourself.
27. When traveling, pack light. Don’t bring it unless you absolutely must.
28. Clean up after yourself. Don’t put it off until later.
29. Learn to cook, and cook.
30. Make a weekly (healthy) menu, and shop for only the items you need.
31. Consider buying and cooking food in bulk. If you make a large portion of something on Sunday, you can eat leftovers several times during the week without spending more time cooking.
32. Stay out of other people’s drama. And don’t needlessly create your own.
33. Buy things with cash.
34. Maintain your car, home, and other personal belongings you rely on.
35. Smile often, even to complete strangers.
36. If you hate doing it, stop it.
37. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.
38. Apologize when you should.
39. Write things down.
40. Be curious. Don’t be scared to learn something new.
41. Explore new ideas and opportunities often.
42. Don’t be shy. Network with people. Meet new people.
43. Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you.
44. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven, and likeminded.
45. Don’t text and drive. Don’t drink and drive.
46. Drink water when you’re thirsty.
47. Don’t eat when you’re bored. Eat when you’re hungry.
48. Exercise every day. Simply take a long, relaxing walk.
49. Let go of things you can’t change. Concentrate on things you can.
50. Find hard work you actually enjoy doing.
51. Realize that the harder you work, the luckier you will become.
52. Follow your heart. Don’t waste your life fulfilling someone else’s dreams and desires.
53. Set priorities for yourself and act accordingly.
54. Take it slow and add up all your small victories.
55. However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. Accept this simple fact.
56. Excel at what you do. Otherwise you’ll just frustrate yourself.
57. Mature, but don’t grow up too fast.
58. Realize that you’re never quite as right as you think you are.
59. Build something or do something that makes you proud.
60. Make mistakes, learn from them, laugh about them, and move along.

Oh, and enjoy life's simple pleasures. They’re free and better than anything money can buy.

crunch-time.

options are good but decisions suck, especially considering that i'm the most indecisive person ever. no really. ever.

to go abroad next semester or to wait til fall?
to study abroad or to stay here and work with habitat for humanity during spring?
to bulk up on afternoon classes and go for an internship?
to intern in london?
to take an 8am class or not? (that one isn't so tough...)
which physical science?
to take italian again?
to apply for another job?

thanks for all the doors God...but now what? lightning bolts. notes. an angel. i don't know...anything would help.


blah. that's all. back to the sharpies and binder paper...

floored. baffled. thankful.

tonight i am once again floored. by God. of course.

does it ever feel like the God "no's" are so much easier to hear than the God "yes's"? yeah. me too. and somehow whenever He gently says no, He opens up another door in a huge way. i know this is all very vague. forgive me, i'm still trying to process everything myself. each and everyday i feel that the Holy Spirit has been prodding me, challenging me, pushing me. and as uncomfortable as it is sometimes, i wouldn't have it anywhere. it means He's alive. and He's here. and He cares about me.

about a month ago, at fall retreat for church, the speaker talked about "it/thou" relationships: it - in our busy and face paced society, we often view people as functions (i.e. the girl at the financial aid office? she's just the "machine" that's going to complete this form, stamp that seal, and call me so i can come pick up the form. the bagger at the grocery store? well he/she is just there to take my groceries, bag them (which i secretly wish i could just do myself) and say, "do you need help out?"

our automatic response to everything is "no, thanks, i'm good." or "thanks, i'm fine." and everytime we shut someone down with a heartless and automated response, we quickly slam a door shut that maybe God was nudging open. busy-ness is a dangerous thing i've learned, for it makes life all about "me." - what's on my to do list today? - where do i need to go now? - it's a here now gone in the next moment kind of lifestyle and it's completely unhealthy and complete un-Christlike. for some reason, God has decided to place the girl at the financial aid office in my life, or the bagger at the grocery store, and each and every encounter is a small test to see where my heart is -- if it's wrapped up in "me"/"my plan"? or constantly anticipating God's next move, however big or small.

everything needs to slow down. today God told me this : "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." i am a planner/organizer/thinker/doer and yet i often get so wrapped up in what i have to do that i forget about what i'm doing, in the moment. honestly, if today were to be my last day, i can tell you that it's not a note i'd like to end on. did i savor every moment? did i cherish every encounter? did i do everything i could to reflect Christ and to treasure the life He's given me? or did i spend so much time worrying, stressing, and running around that i completely forgot to just breathe and give it all back to Him?

too much. His patience. His love. His renewing mercy. it baffles me. but tonight i'm not going to try and figure it out. i'm just glad it's there. because believe me, without it, i'd be a messier mess than i already am.

insecurity & uncertainty.

i think it's safe to say that the majority of people my age, your typical college student, is desperately looking for answers: what should i major in? is this really the school i should be it? how should i get involved? am i going to meet those life-long friends here? what am i gonna do after i graduate? ...the list goes on and on. i think the greatest question of all though is this:

who am i?

for your average 13-21 year old, these three words are probably as loaded as saying those other "3 little words." as i have coffee chats with friends, or just run into them at school, or pass by and say hey, that constant need to "figure ourselves out" is obvious in each and every person. and sometimes i think that the answer is so simple, we just tend to overlook. we over-analyze, worry, overthink, and doubt ourselves, when the answer is right there in front of our face:

who does GOD want me to be?

and the answer to that is pretty straight-forward, no matter how complicated you think you are. my best friend inspired me with something she wrote recently. in a vulnerable and incredibly honest paper regarding humility, she reminded me of the greatest truth of all: God is the be all and end of all of everything, and we are nothing. this is not to say that God doesn't care for us, or belittle us. He is not the "big man upstairs" who holds us all by our puppet strings. He is the only person who loves unconditionally, loves constantly, and loves perfectly. why then is it so hard for us to believe that? to trust it?

i see insecurity, that self-doubt in countless faces. in fact, that is normal. to see completely confidence and peace? that, is rare. and that is what i strive for. those people who know who they are, not because of their appearance, or their talent, or their other assets, but because they know who GOD intended them to be. and even if they don't have it all figured out yet, there is complete peace & freedom in the ability to completely hand your life over to the only One you should trust it with.

people disappoint. they fail. they fall. they. are. human. and the majority are all still incredibly unsure of their own lives. why then do we spend so much time looking for their approval? for me, it's never the people who "seem to have it all" who impress me, it's the people who may not have it all, don't care, and live with authenticity. those are the people that inspire me.

i donno, i guess what i'm trying to say is that too often we second guess ourselves, or our plans, instead of just surrendering and then stepping out in faith. i know it's cliche : be true to yourself, don't change, believe in yourself. but i look at it like this : be true to who God designed you to be, don't try to change that person, and believe that He has the best plan for your life in store. if He knew you since before you were even born, then why doubt what He has intended for your life? he knew you were gonna meet that girl, or that guy. he knew that you would choose where you wanted to go to school. he has it all set up. so live in it, revel in it.

i'm sure he has plenty of curveballs up ahead, but the one thing that won't change is His perfect and complete love for us. that, you can count on. that, will never fail.

rising up.

i often feel that people limit themselves to the expectations of others. the idea of "taking the high road" or "being the better man" are good cliches, but not values that really strike a chord anymore. though they are easier said than done, as i was reminded by a friend last night, they are not impossible. that much i know for sure. as i've become a part of people's lives, of their stories, i've noticed a running theme: as much as people deny it, the expectations and approval of others drives each and every person's life. i know it's true for me, i know it's true for others. but that truth presents a choice: we can rise above those expectations, or we can hinder ourselves and settle into the person others believe us to be. therein lies the other truth: oftentimes others have given up on us, or have become so used to the person we are, that we are no longer self-motivated to become a "better man." we shortchange ourselves. we conform to the norm. we are who others dictate us to be. i've heard it often, time and time again..."well, that's what they expect." or we use it as an excuse...a thought process something like this, "well if that's who they believe i am, that's exactly who i'll be." if you've disappointed people enough, so much that they have almost zero expectations, then there's really no point in trying to be anything better is there?

yes. there is. that is a lame excuse, but one that society uses and abuses. since when do we let our shortcomings become us? since when do we allow others to hinder us, to tramp us down and limit everything we could become? and what does that say of you?

of course, as my mom always says, "we can't do it ourselves," and that's why we have One who can do it for us. i know, from experience (many experiences) that every time i try to "be a better person" in my own strength, i fail -- miserably. but when i let go, and when i surrender to His expectations instead of the hopeless eyes of others, and maybe even my own despair, i have placed myself in the best possible situation. honestly, i get so irritated when people gripe and complain, when people see themselves as a failure, and when they've given up because others have given up on them as well. it becomes a lame excuse to be the worst version of ourselves.

what happened to proving people wrong? where's that strength? that personal dignity? and since when do we sell ourselves to the opinion of others? what kind of person does that really make you?


"therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
1 cor 5:17

...oh what a summer it's been.

as i was driving home from work today, i started reminiscing about my summer, and what an incredible summer it's been...here are just some of the things (good & bad) that made it absolutely unforgettable :

- a trip up to washington with laura j.
- getting to meet my first celebrity ever...and one of my favorites at that: haley james scott from one tree hill!!!
- taking pictures in a photobooth...for the first time!
- lady antebellum & tim mcgraw live in concert with some awesome girls.
- picnics at the lake.
- hiking along the american river.
- watching the little siblings wrap up their school years : concerts, awards, plays...
- a phenomenal photoshoot day with the bestie.
- a rivercats game.
- watching jody compete at a dance competition.
- exploring sacramento.
- a beautiful bike ride with mom & josh.
- challenging myself to a new song on the piano.
- playing the flute for the first time in 2 years.
- getting into sunday night impact...& all the fun that followed those nights.
- riding in a convertible for the first time...ever?
- having the privilege of working as the backstage manager of a fantastic recital.
- teaching a few dance classes...and my first baby class!
- taking ballet.
- some sweetie pies lovin...of course.
- exposing myself to rockin' frog yogurt...which is by far not as good as yogurtland...but will have to do for norcal!
- making dream posters...& dreamin.
- watching josh get baptized.
- taking some fantastic pictures of kim bim...she's beautiful!
- sitting awestruck at the 4th of july fireworks.
- working at the snack shack at the lake...way less romantic than my imagination thought it would be.
- watching all 6 seasons of one tree hill again (which may seem petty to you, but please...)
- celebrating my 19th birthday =]
- going to six flags...for the first time...twice! (and killin it on medusa...mmhmm.)
- watching the world cup...and finally rooting for spain...
- riding the horse again...finally!
- picking up jody from sugarloaf...and wishing i had gone.
- faithfully watching the bachelorette (again petty...but such a guilty pleasure...forgive me.)
- diving into a great bible study with mom, the bestie, and bestie's mom.
- camping.
- getting up on the wakeboard...finally!
- eating some chipotle...for the first time...crazy, i know.
- parcheesy.
- a spontaneous, but unforgettable, trip to dillon beach.
- san francisco lovin.
- riding on a motorcycle again...after almost 10 years.
- a visit from laura j.
- keeping in touch with friends...reconnecting with old ones...
- skype.
- hitting up an incredible sale at old navy...which after a long sabbatical of no shopping was pure bliss.
- singing.
- celebrating my brother's engagement <3
- falling in love with nature...and the beauty of this area.
- terrifying experiences at the dentist.
- being sick for almost a month...which is also a first.
- taking pictures...TONS of pictures.
- realizing that my car was about to blow up....and being so thankful for God's timing.
- finally getting those chips in my windshield fixed!
- realizing that a giant bucket of paint has spilled inside your car...oops.
- getting my first pedicure...ever!
- saying good-bye to the bestie as she goes off on her own adventure.
- personally witnessing the magic of those vacuum bag storage things...SO cool.
- ordering my first actual coffee drink at starbucks...as opposed to hot chocolate.
- making new friends....saying good-bye to others.
- watching kim start her senior year...in typical senior fashion =]
- hilarious adventures with the dance girls...
- lit girl nights...pasta, dessert, girl talk & all.

...and a myriad of other things that constantly remind me how blessed i am...it's only when you start to count your blessings that you realize how immensely God loves...and how he always looks out.

one week. one week left of summer. and one week until i finally get to see my long beach family again. it's crazy how time flies...and how it drags. 14 weeks is a long summer. a long time to be away from friends who have become family to you. a long time to be away from a place that's quickly becoming a second home. and yet, 14 weeks is not quite long enough to accomplish everything on the "let's make this summer fantastic - list." looking back on it though, i would have to say this summer was a smashing success. God orchestrated the unexpected...some things which of course were once again a challenge, and some things that i have been so blessed by. whether it was reconnecting with friends from elementary school, or pursuing and strengthening friendships as recent as high school, people from near and far blessed me tremendously. whether a walk down memory line or a conversation that i like to call the "girls. guys. god talk," there is such beauty in sharing your heart with another person. i'd say that more than anything, God opened doors to new relationships this summer (something that was not on the summer list, but something i am SO thankful for...). i'm baffled by how God always delivers in the most unexpected ways. i'm a planner, an organizer, and sometimes a control-freak i'll admit...but then God says, "hey debbie, sorry, but i have new things in store for you...so good-bye lists!" and i love it.

so i guess you could say that the theme for my summer was this : friendship.

you know how in high school, when it's time to sign yearbooks and say good-byes, almost everyone says "keep in touch!" "call me!" and then you never do...and before you know it the summer is over and your moving on...well this summer that was different. keep in touch literally meant work. whether it was writing e-mails, phone calls, texts, or quick messages on facebook, it was the effort my friends and i put forth that not only strengthened friendships, but matured them and made them last...and now that we only have a week left, it'll be as if we were never apart. and then there are those friendships that have dwindled, faded. or those friendships that you never even knew existed. but our history with others, our willingness to be vulnerable, to let others in, are all aspects of our innate need to be in relation with those around us, and that ability to let others in, that desire to love and be loved fills that void in our hearts that God specifically created for us to experience His immeasurable love through others.

i don't know if this all makes sense...but the point is that God has a way of placing people in our lives, through doors & windows we didn't even know existed or have long been closed, and blessing us immensely through those people. for that i am eternally grateful and will always be amazed.

.adventures in the alps.

day 7 : last day of riding = success. swiss wine is ok...spanish and french is too strong. the week was good. longer would have been too long...a bunch of people on the mountain today because of the holidays. european rudeness baffles me. literally, they were on top of each others skis in line. not a single inch of snow was left uncovered. no sense of personal space. ridiculous. the words sorry and excuse me don't exist...neither does a friendly smile. i'm going to miss felix::best waiter ever. wish i was headed to gauting for some of oma's delicious cooking, but alas, it's back to L.A. at 5am tomorrow morning. what an unforgettable week this was.

.adventures in the alps.

day 6 : snow = sleep in, except that simon knocked on the door at 7:45 to tell us we could sleep in. jerk. no boarding today...thank goodness, because my butt needs a break. a walk in the snow into the town of flims. 77 francs and a million pounds of european goodness = success! one more day of boarding and the it's back to L.A. i wish i were headed back home to shingle springs instead...weird feeling: not going home with the family. about 562 pictures so far. gym...or long shower? hm, dilemma. [long shower won]. how will i fit all this chocolate in my suitcase? criss. i will manage. after eights. smarties. haribo. bounty. toblerone. lindt. just missing chocolate easter bunnies. only the hollow kind of course. solid chocolate is too much. two more sleeps and then a long flight back to the states. swiss chicken noodle soup is bomb. germans all blow their noses so loudly. my body is done being in pain...hopefully a successful last day of boarding tomorrow!

.adventures in the alps.

day 5 : i think i broke my tailbone. i need a pillow attached to my butt. i'm so tired. 2 runs for the day and that's all that was gonna happen. now a nap possibly. that sounds heavenly. real swiss food for dinner tonight. yum.

[2 hours later] awesome nap. catching up on reading for school. reading on slavery...history throws everything i see now into a different perspective. it's not only about what's there now, but where everything came from. women are ageless and weightless to men. i have seen the type of confidence that blows a guy away...in a 14 year old. very weird. but it does exist. the waiter is still cute.

.adventures in the alps.

day 4 : some really awesome runs today. i feel quite accomplished. beautiful weather even though it was supposed to be gnarly. we have been blessed. hit up the arcade and raced cars just like when i was little. by far the best form of video game. a little jacuzzi time and a little reading time. a family talk. lessons on tough love. easier said than done.

p.s. our waiter is super cute. i'm a fan.

.adventures in the alps.

day 3 : cornelia came today and i got to catch up with a friend i haven't seen in almost 4 years. she hasn't changed a bit. and it was fun. 1 run + 2 f-bombs = the extent of my snowboarding for the day. spent the morning reading up at the lodge due to my ankle, and then attempted one run down the slope before heading back to the hotel. i got ditched at the bus stop this morning. only got around 4 hours of sleep last night due to jet lag. solitaire and reading will cure insomnia i believe. i am always in need of a good mom talk and cry. she's the best. all in all not the greatest day so far, but hopefully the ankle will be stronger tomorrow...

.adventures in the alps.

day 2 : i have finally nailed my toe-side. totally frustrating to biff it every run but hard work pays off. goal accomplished. breakfast here is fantastic. jet lag is not so bad yet. the views up from the mountains are breathtaking. my twisted ankle is breathtakingly painful. might not be able to board tomorrow...we'll see. lesson for day : look up the hill before you get back on your feet and go. had my first taste of wine tonight...that is definitely an acquired taste. but i felt very sophisticated and grown up. to be honest, if i had to choose, i think i'd take a glass of german beer instead.

.adventures in the alps.

day 1 : the doors are opposite - push in & pull out. totally trippin me up. i forgot how different the toilets look here...and the door locks are legit. no one will accidentally walk in on you. i ate ostrich tonight. it's ok, i just couldn't get over the fact that i was eating ostrich. the bread is fantastic here...crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside..."knakig" if you will. i love it. a 5-course meal takes at least 2 hours to eat. i am not a food connoisseur. i hate that there are no free refills in europe. but i love that everything comes in a glass bottle.

i love fresh air, old houses, and small european towns. this trip is luh-git.

.lessons learned and constantly relearned.

i wrote this a few months ago but still find it incredibly relevant to my everyday life so i thought i'd share :

comparing yourself to other people is simply a waste of time. and yet i do it all the time, and maybe you do too. it sometimes seems that everyone else has it better off. a girl might be prettier. might get the guy. have the cute clothes. have the perfect life. she's the girl who has it all. sometimes it feels like i get the short end of the stick, and i spend so much time wallowing in all of it. and tonight God finally smacked me in the head and it all clicked.

in bible study we were studying matt 5, the beautitudes, the sermon on the mount. and in those first 13 verses Jesus says "blessed are the meek, those who mourn, the poor" all the characteristics of people we don't naturally admire. in this world, and i speak for myself, we admire the strong, the beautiful, the wealthy. like i mentioned earlier, it's the girl who has it all that you wish you were. and that's when God shot that down for me. because according to Him, it's the broken that he loves on, that he admires, that he exhorts. God doesn't give a squat about the things that we care about. he looks at the heart, and no matter what others think of you, HE loves you.

i love to think that we are all part of a huge puzzle. God's puzzle. like a puzzle, each of us is shaped in a certain way. we are molded, by God, in order to fit into the piece of the puzzle that can only be ours. we are designed uniquely. a certain part of the picture is painted on us in order to complete the whole image. if we ignore who God created us to be, if we try to replace who we truly are by trying to be someone else, then that piece of God's plan is missing, and his picture will not be complete. i always imagine God sitting in heaven, looking down at this earth, looking down at His creation...sometimes grieving, sometimes with joy. and when He looks down, He expects us, as His children, to have found our place in his picture, to be living in exactly the way he created us to live. you can't fight it. God made you, and Psalm 139 says He's already got it all figured out...so why do we try so hard to be someone different? why do we fight the mold, fight the shape, and inherently go against our very selves. He saw us before we were even created, before we were even conceived. He knows.

tonight, after a stressful past few days, God once again reminded me that i am created in his image. he reminded me that without him, i am nothing. he reminded me that i am who i am and no one can take my place. you are who you are, and no one will ever be able to replace you, no one can ever take your place in the puzzle.

.the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13 : The Love Chapter :

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
Always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

.putting God on the list.

friends. family. school. work. piles of homework. facebook. a good book. an addictive t.v. show. a chick flick. relationships. retail therapy. a killer set of heels. taking pictures. boys. the internet. all of these are just a few of the many, many things in life that vie for our attention each and every day of our life. they are things that consume our lives. they are things that i know consume mine. and yet, they are things that will leave us drained and confused if we use them to fill the place in our heart that can only belong to God. it's something that i have struggled with in the past and continue to struggle with each and every day. i'm a list person. i have a very very clingy relationship with my planner. every morning i write down what i have to get done. and strangely enough, rarely does my list say : spend time with God. it's something that i know i SHOULD do every day, so i assume i will. but i don't. i get up, turn on the computer, take a shower, pick out an outfit, watch the news, and before you know it it's time to go to class and my day has already taken off. and in all that morning time, i completely forgot to spend time with the one Person who has never ever stopped loving me. it's shameful. and i hate to admit it. and it's something i am constantly striving to change. to put God on my to do list and to make Him a priority in my life. i hope to be that person who is so dependent on God that it would be against their very nature to spend a whole day without God. i SHOULD be that person. and i'm incredibly grateful that He hasn't given up on me yet. His patience baffles me, but i won't fight it! and i am oh so thankful for it.

learning to ride a bike...

..a weird title i know, but this whole blogging thing is going to be like learning to ride a bike for me. i've had the urge to start one for months...and now i've finally checked another thing off my list! this will be more of a journal for me...an eclectic collection of all sorts of things : epiphanies. God moments. funny memories. amazing quotes. sporadic events. whatever i need to get out of my heart and onto paper...

i hope you enjoy!