April 28, 2012

wedded thoughts

don't let that title freak you out. i'm not getting married, yet. but in addition to learning a lot about photography, which i wrote about in my last post, i've also thought a lot about weddings this weekend. the workshop i'm watching is wedding photography specific, and to be honest with you, i think the wedding business is absolutely stupid. 

it's incredible to me how much the wedding business has boomed and how competitive weddings have become. everything has become all about the wedding - big, bold, and stand-out. wedding blogs are everywhere (confession: i follow probably a few too many). most girls 'wedding boards' on pinterest, including me. and wedding photographers are everywhere. i mean, don't get me wrong, i love weddings. i really do. but i don't want mine to be a competition. i want it to be so simple.

i want it to be about us. not about the details, and the number of people attending, and the politics. i have had many friends go through the wedding season in the last year or so, and it's amazing to me how stressful that time is - whether it's other people making things difficult, or just the pressure of getting everything just. right. i have learned a lot just by watching. believe me, my list of do's and don'ts is growing rapidly. 

one of my friends said to me the other day that if she could, she'd take back the deposit on the venue and just have a small backyard wedding. the stress isn't worth it. 

i can't tell you how many times i've told my stressed and worried engaged friends that their wedding day is about them, not about what others will think about the wedding. and in reality, the wedding day isn't the end all and be all of everything either. it's simply the first day of forever. 

on my wedding day, i want to be more excited about marrying my person that stressed about everything falling into place perfectly (and that doesn't mean i want my mom or my MOH or anyone else to take on the stress instead). i want it to be simple and intimate. i want to enjoy the people who are there and know without a doubt that they are thrilled just to be there. i don't want to invite anyone because i feel obligated to. even if that means it's tiny. i don't want to play politics when it comes to my bridal party. i don't want the wedding season to be all about me. i want it to be about us, and what God is doing in and through us, and how our life will be intended to honor God and bless others. 

above all, i want to wake up on my wedding day only thinking, i'm going to marry my best friend today. i want to see him and know without a doubt that this is what God had in store for us all along. 

i will be thankful. so thankful. because i didn't deserve any of it.

and please, if i'm ever on the verge of bridezilla, march me right over to the computer, open up this page, and make me read it.


  1. i totally understand what you're saying here.
    i'm lucky enough to be the daughter of a wedding planner, so all i had to do when i got married is tell her what i wanted and she made it happen, along with the help of her best friend and my sister.

    originally i had wanted a wedding in the woods. think Twilight: Breaking Dawn wedding, and i'm not kidding. when i went to see the movie i almost fell out of my chair because that wedding was literally my dream wedding. down to every last detail. i know, i know, it's Twilight, but that wedding was exactly what i had envisioned my day to be: in the woods, in the fall (which is my favorite season), smallish attendance and very earthy and natural.

    BUT we set the date for March and felt pressured to keep it in March because we had some relatives that we weren't sure would still be alive past that date (guess what? two years later and they're still alive) and my mom knew that a wedding in the woods just would not do that time of year (it could have rained and been such a drag). so she had us look at hotels (the last place i wanted to get married) and as it turned out i absolutely fell in love with the hotel we got married at (millennium biltmore hotel in downtown los angeles). since it's a landmark hotel and very old hollywood i ran with that theme and i ended up loving my wedding.

    thankfully my mom and her best friend (who was also an event planner) and my sister did it all for me and i didn't even ask them to. they WANTED to do it. i kind of just let go and let them do it, all while being able to say what i did and did not like without there being a fight: that to me was shocking. my mom and i had ONE fight the whole year we planned the wedding and i was shocked because i was expecting it to be chaotic (yes, we waited over a year to get married and plan the wedding, i do not suggest that).

    the biggest drama i endured was from bridesmaids. my biggest regret from my wedding was that i had bridesmaids at all. if i were to do it all over again, i'd just have my nieces in my bridal party. half of the girls that were in my wedding were either a nightmare or we just don't see each other anymore, the other half were amazing and we're still close, but again i would still only have my nieces or no one at all in my bridal party.

    when i watch the movie Bridesmaids it totally reminds me of an exaggerated portrayal of what women do to each other when they're in a wedding. it's painful and hurtful and unnecessary.

    i think that the best thing you can do is exactly what you're doing: make a list of the things you do and do not want for your special day based on all of the weddings and experiences from brides you are witnessing.

    i happened to be very lucky and walked away from that day with very few coulda woulda shouldas, but i find that that is extremely rare. the best way to avoid all that is to listen to the advice from former brides and get a wide range of stories and experiences because i really think that's what helped me avoid a lot of regrets.


    1. p.s. i shouldn't say that my bridesmaids were a nightmare. there was only one who made it really difficult for me and had the hardest time being there for me or supporting me and she was my best friend at the time. the hurt that bred there ruined our friendship. such is very common with weddings and i think it's so unnecessary and ridiculous.

    2. i agree, agree, agree! YOUR wedding was stunning, and i'm glad it was such a special memory for you! and sorry about the bridesmaids...it's things like that that frustrate me the most about weddings.


  2. Anonymous5/22/2012

    I completely agree, Debbie. I want only the people there who have influenced Jesse and my lives, as a thank you. It's fun to dream on Pinterest, but in the end all that matters is us and God's unfathomable blessings and the joy of finally getting to call my man MINE. Makes my heart swell.

  3. I wonder, now that you are engaged (congrats again, BTW!), have your thoughts on this issue changed?