figuring it out

ever since creating my FB photography page, my brain has been racing. i totally get ahead of myself. ask T. the poor guy. when a thought, or a dream, or a plan enters my mind, it's all i can think about. i think about tomorrow, the next week, the whole year, and the rest of my life. all within five little minutes. it's a little bit ridiculous. my photography brainwave has definitely been on overdrive. but this weekend has brought a lot of clarification.

people have been asking for photo sessions lately, and it's been so humbling. i did not see that coming. and every time i think about it, i get all nervous and unsure. capturing photos of someone is a little bit high pressure. you want to meet their expectations and make the time and the result worth their money. it all rests on you (at least, that's how it feels). but, i've also had to remind myself that i'm only at the beginning. and people know that. and for those who have given me a chance, i so greatly appreciate it. 

for the past two days, i've been tuning into an online photography workshop. it's been extremely helpful, but also very clarifying. i've learned a lot and jotted down notes, but have also come to certain conclusions about where i want my photography to go.

when i pick up my camera, i don't want to look through the lens and see dollar signs or recognition. i want to see people's lives, their emotions, and the special moments they want to remember.

i don't want photography to become another avenue to compare myself to others. i want to find my style and my look and stick with it. there are thousands of photographers out there. conforming would be easy. and the competition is ripe. but i don't want it to be about a competition. i've realized that i'm not in this to be big-time. i'm in it to serve people. 

i also don't want photography to become a way to lift myself up. i've (re)learned a lot about humility. whatever talent or skill i have is not all mine. whatever opportunities i receive are not entirely deserved.

i don't want photography to be all-consuming either. it totally has the potential to be (remember how my brain works?). it takes a lot of time and energy. but i want it simply to be an outlet to love others and live life. i don't want to fix my life around my photography. God's will and the people love are the most important. 

i'm still so excited. but also still feeling so unprepared. the research and the learning has been fun, but it's also been overwhelming. as T cheesily said a few weeks ago in the middle of my overwhelmed crumbling, "how do you eat an elephant? one bite a time." not that we would ever eat elephants. seriously.