the past few days have been filled with challenge and growth. those close, and not so close, to me have been asking me hard questions, testing my heart, and pushing me on toward greater things. as the summer winds down and my sights turn toward the coming school year, my heart is preparing itself for what's still to come. this summer has been what i would call an 'adult summer.' it wasn't filled with days at the beach, afternoons tanning, fun nights out with friends, movie nights, trips to yogurtland, or whimsical nothing. it was not what you'd picture your typical college summer to be. this past summer was my last 'school summer,' as i prepare for my senior year of college. and though those things seem ideal and fun, they are not what God had in mind for me this year, and i'm so glad He presented me with new opportunities.
this summer grew me as a leader, as a teammate, as a girlfriend, as a daughter, a sister, and a friend, but most importantly, as a child of God. for every moment of it, i'm thankful.
this coming year, many things will be changing. it's so easy for me to get caught up in what's up ahead. i love planning, dreaming, and preparing myself for this to come, but often, i get so caught up in what's next that i completely miss what's now. i need to constantly remind myself that God still has me here, right now, for a very specific and important reason. to brush over the next few weeks and months would be to miss out on things God has planned for me - lessons to learn, adventures to go on, memories to make. the other night, T and i had a conversation about what this next year holds for us and what our goals are. after drawing stick figures and arrows all over his whiteboard, i summed i up with one phrase: "prepare for the future, invest in the present."
God's call to love others and love Him should be the highest priority in our lives. it's a command that often disappears as i place other things in its place. over the last few days, i've re-learned the importance of knowing God and loving others. there is no better place to be.
though God is opening new doors and walking me into new opportunities, i do not want to miss out on what he has for me today, this hour, this minute.
to the people God has surrounded me with, those who challenge me, those who refresh me, and those who i tend to just ignore - am i encouraging them? am i inspiring them? do they see Christ in me? or do they feel forgotten and brushed over as i charge into the next thing?
as God brings new opportunities into my life - am i proud of those? do i place myself above others because i'm doing new things? or do i see them as areas to grow? do i seek circumstances that will humble me and teach me, or do i stay in my safe-zone?
do you ever notice the difference between days where you walk with God, and days where you try to walk alone? unfortunately, my instinct is often just to try it alone, and after a few days of struggling and feeling drained and tired, i crawl back to God. the days that start with Him, that include Him, are days where the ordinary things seem magical. He has life-changing and day-changing power. and His heart is to involved in our life. i recently read a quote though that perfectly sums up our relationship with the Lord: "God is the perfect gentleman. He will never force His will on anyone." God's will is to know us intimately and for us to know Him fully. but if that isn't our desire, He will step back and He will wait - faithfully and patiently. only when we draw near to Him, when we seek His face, will He then show Himself more fully. He never withholds Himself from us, but He will withdraw from us if we reject Him. my desire is to see God clearly, to know Him fully, and to walk with Him intimately. there are days where that desire is not evidenced, and i regret those days.
may i walk more closely with my Father, Counselor, peace-giver, and best friend, each and every day.
Showing posts with label the future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the future. Show all posts
August 16, 2012
April 28, 2012
figuring it out
ever since creating my FB photography page, my brain has been racing. i totally get ahead of myself. ask T. the poor guy. when a thought, or a dream, or a plan enters my mind, it's all i can think about. i think about tomorrow, the next week, the whole year, and the rest of my life. all within five little minutes. it's a little bit ridiculous. my photography brainwave has definitely been on overdrive. but this weekend has brought a lot of clarification.
people have been asking for photo sessions lately, and it's been so humbling. i did not see that coming. and every time i think about it, i get all nervous and unsure. capturing photos of someone is a little bit high pressure. you want to meet their expectations and make the time and the result worth their money. it all rests on you (at least, that's how it feels). but, i've also had to remind myself that i'm only at the beginning. and people know that. and for those who have given me a chance, i so greatly appreciate it.
for the past two days, i've been tuning into an online photography workshop. it's been extremely helpful, but also very clarifying. i've learned a lot and jotted down notes, but have also come to certain conclusions about where i want my photography to go.
when i pick up my camera, i don't want to look through the lens and see dollar signs or recognition. i want to see people's lives, their emotions, and the special moments they want to remember.
i don't want photography to become another avenue to compare myself to others. i want to find my style and my look and stick with it. there are thousands of photographers out there. conforming would be easy. and the competition is ripe. but i don't want it to be about a competition. i've realized that i'm not in this to be big-time. i'm in it to serve people.
i also don't want photography to become a way to lift myself up. i've (re)learned a lot about humility. whatever talent or skill i have is not all mine. whatever opportunities i receive are not entirely deserved.
i don't want photography to be all-consuming either. it totally has the potential to be (remember how my brain works?). it takes a lot of time and energy. but i want it simply to be an outlet to love others and live life. i don't want to fix my life around my photography. God's will and the people love are the most important.
i'm still so excited. but also still feeling so unprepared. the research and the learning has been fun, but it's also been overwhelming. as T cheesily said a few weeks ago in the middle of my overwhelmed crumbling, "how do you eat an elephant? one bite a time." not that we would ever eat elephants. seriously.
January 17, 2012
learning to say 'NO'
this morning was a huge stepping stone in learning to say NO to things.
NO to overextending myself.
NO to using busy-ness as an excuse.
NO to forsaking friendships and falling out of touch because i don't have time.
NO to booking every hour and minute of my week, my month, my semester.
NO to security...& YES to trusting God's provision.
i spent most of last night going through my schedule for the next semester, and quickly went into panic mode. assuming that i would become a manager at work, i created a hypothetical schedule accordingly...and i freaked out.
hypothetically, i'd have to be up and at work by 5:30 two mornings of the week. i'd be taking 17 units - 17 very difficult upper-division units. i'd have absolutely no free time between the hours of 9AM and 5PM to run errands, go grocery shopping, do my laundry, run to the post office or the bank, or clean my apartment. sleep would be limited, quality time with travis and friends drastically reduced, and quiet time to rest almost non-existent.
i lived that life a year ago, and i learned my lesson. REST is so important. time to be still and be refreshed. time to engage in conversation with good friends. time to build into my relationship. time to talk on the phone with my family or skype with my sister. time to support my best friend as she heads into marriage. those things are important to me. much more important than a bigger paycheck.
so, as i walked into my interview this morning, covered in prayer and confident in God's plan, i simply said 'no.'
no, i can't take the manager position.
no, i can't work 30+ hours a week and go to school full-time.
no, i will not let work consume my life and take energy away from my other commitments.
no, i will not do my work halfheartedly for lack of energy and strength.
and you know what? i'm totally fine with it. i have no idea what tomorrow will look like, next week, much less this semester yet, but i'm not panicking.
God honors our willingness to put Him first, whether that's through our service to Him, commitments we've made, or our relationships. i'm simply trusting that He'll hold up His end and provide in every circumstance.
NO to overextending myself.
NO to using busy-ness as an excuse.
NO to forsaking friendships and falling out of touch because i don't have time.
NO to booking every hour and minute of my week, my month, my semester.
NO to security...& YES to trusting God's provision.
i spent most of last night going through my schedule for the next semester, and quickly went into panic mode. assuming that i would become a manager at work, i created a hypothetical schedule accordingly...and i freaked out.
hypothetically, i'd have to be up and at work by 5:30 two mornings of the week. i'd be taking 17 units - 17 very difficult upper-division units. i'd have absolutely no free time between the hours of 9AM and 5PM to run errands, go grocery shopping, do my laundry, run to the post office or the bank, or clean my apartment. sleep would be limited, quality time with travis and friends drastically reduced, and quiet time to rest almost non-existent.
i lived that life a year ago, and i learned my lesson. REST is so important. time to be still and be refreshed. time to engage in conversation with good friends. time to build into my relationship. time to talk on the phone with my family or skype with my sister. time to support my best friend as she heads into marriage. those things are important to me. much more important than a bigger paycheck.
so, as i walked into my interview this morning, covered in prayer and confident in God's plan, i simply said 'no.'
no, i can't take the manager position.
no, i can't work 30+ hours a week and go to school full-time.
no, i will not let work consume my life and take energy away from my other commitments.
no, i will not do my work halfheartedly for lack of energy and strength.
and you know what? i'm totally fine with it. i have no idea what tomorrow will look like, next week, much less this semester yet, but i'm not panicking.
God honors our willingness to put Him first, whether that's through our service to Him, commitments we've made, or our relationships. i'm simply trusting that He'll hold up His end and provide in every circumstance.
'trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. in ALL yours ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.'
January 16, 2012
He holds my future in His hands
in the first two weeks of this year, my world has already been turned upside down. maybe that's a little dramatic. things have changed, and are changing, and will continue to change, and sometimes it's overwhelming. most of the time though, i've been pretty ok with it.
this year, i have to take things one day, one event at a time. if i start going through the first two months of this year, i already go into panic mode, and so today, i'm simply reflecting on this day and preparing for tomorrow. because everything past that? there's nothing i can do about it yet.
but for the sake of this post, i'm going to get ahead of myself...
tomorrow, i have a gigantic interview with the District Manager of Jamba Juice. i'm in line for a promotion, either as a shift lead, or a shift manager. one of my best friends just quit her position as manager (and today she got hired at starbucks! isn't God good?!), and essentially, i'm taking her place.
even that position is still up in the air though. i don't know exactly which position i'll get, and because of that, i really have no idea what my schedule will look like yet. i'll either be a manager, which means more hours and more pay, and a little more pressure, or just a lead, which means more pay and more hours, without the pressure. in my heart of hearts, i'd almost prefer the lead, just because it would leave a little more flexibility in my schedule. but this position is totally and completely in God's hands.
i'll be totally honest and tell you that i really don't want to stay at Jamba forever. i'd much rather be working in a coffee shop, or maybe somewhere on campus again, but for right now, this is the door God has opened, and i'm going to walk through it until it's time to close it and walk through a new one.
a week from today, school starts. i haven't even had a chance to think about that yet, and all the e-mails i've been getting from professors are totally catching me off guard! school? what's that?
then again, this will be the first semester that i'm taking a teaching class, and i'm looking forward to that! the past 5 semesters have been strictly focused on history, but i'm not planning on becoming a historian - i want to become an educator, so i'm excited to finally gain some exposure to that field.
in just about three weeks, my best friend is getting married, which is HUGE and so exciting. her brother just got married on saturday (a vegas post is coming, i promise!), and now it's her turn to walk down the aisle and say her 'i do's.' so that's just another little thing coming up; it's not big deal, really.
as soon as i fly back from the wedding, valentine's day is just around the corner, and then T's birthday, and then our one year...which will just be one romantic and a little chaotic whirlwind, but i'm looking forward to it!
on top of starting mission trip leadership training, raising support, and organizing the team, as well as the many changes that are happening at church, and all the uncertainty that entails as well, this year so far has been one big lesson on trusting God - releasing control to Him and just walking behind Him as he leads.
in light of all those changes, i've been thinking a lot of my priorities - what's important to me, what i want to give the most time to, and where i want to best invest my life. this is the list that keeps coming to mind:
#1 God - church, college group leadership, service, missions, rest, quiet time.
#2 Travis - spending quality time with him, encouraging him, and working and growing alongside him.
#3 Friends and family - honestly, these don't fall very far behind T at all - in fact, i'd almost say it's a very close tie. the time i had to reconnect with friends this past semester was so precious to me, and i don't intend on giving that up on behalf of 'busy-ness' again. no thank you.
#4 School
#5 Work
and somewhere in there, photography and growing in that art, is also incredibly important to me. the good thing about photography as that it just fits into every area of my life - i don't need to fit my life around it.
i keep hearing jeremiah 29:11 in my mind...
' for i know the plans i have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future '
God's plans are long-term, and even in the learning, growing, stretching, and challenge, His plans prevail. i don't think this year will be easy by any means, but it will be so so so rewarding.
this year, i have to take things one day, one event at a time. if i start going through the first two months of this year, i already go into panic mode, and so today, i'm simply reflecting on this day and preparing for tomorrow. because everything past that? there's nothing i can do about it yet.
but for the sake of this post, i'm going to get ahead of myself...
tomorrow, i have a gigantic interview with the District Manager of Jamba Juice. i'm in line for a promotion, either as a shift lead, or a shift manager. one of my best friends just quit her position as manager (and today she got hired at starbucks! isn't God good?!), and essentially, i'm taking her place.
even that position is still up in the air though. i don't know exactly which position i'll get, and because of that, i really have no idea what my schedule will look like yet. i'll either be a manager, which means more hours and more pay, and a little more pressure, or just a lead, which means more pay and more hours, without the pressure. in my heart of hearts, i'd almost prefer the lead, just because it would leave a little more flexibility in my schedule. but this position is totally and completely in God's hands.
i'll be totally honest and tell you that i really don't want to stay at Jamba forever. i'd much rather be working in a coffee shop, or maybe somewhere on campus again, but for right now, this is the door God has opened, and i'm going to walk through it until it's time to close it and walk through a new one.
a week from today, school starts. i haven't even had a chance to think about that yet, and all the e-mails i've been getting from professors are totally catching me off guard! school? what's that?
then again, this will be the first semester that i'm taking a teaching class, and i'm looking forward to that! the past 5 semesters have been strictly focused on history, but i'm not planning on becoming a historian - i want to become an educator, so i'm excited to finally gain some exposure to that field.
in just about three weeks, my best friend is getting married, which is HUGE and so exciting. her brother just got married on saturday (a vegas post is coming, i promise!), and now it's her turn to walk down the aisle and say her 'i do's.' so that's just another little thing coming up; it's not big deal, really.
as soon as i fly back from the wedding, valentine's day is just around the corner, and then T's birthday, and then our one year...which will just be one romantic and a little chaotic whirlwind, but i'm looking forward to it!
on top of starting mission trip leadership training, raising support, and organizing the team, as well as the many changes that are happening at church, and all the uncertainty that entails as well, this year so far has been one big lesson on trusting God - releasing control to Him and just walking behind Him as he leads.
in light of all those changes, i've been thinking a lot of my priorities - what's important to me, what i want to give the most time to, and where i want to best invest my life. this is the list that keeps coming to mind:
#1 God - church, college group leadership, service, missions, rest, quiet time.
#2 Travis - spending quality time with him, encouraging him, and working and growing alongside him.
#3 Friends and family - honestly, these don't fall very far behind T at all - in fact, i'd almost say it's a very close tie. the time i had to reconnect with friends this past semester was so precious to me, and i don't intend on giving that up on behalf of 'busy-ness' again. no thank you.
#4 School
#5 Work
and somewhere in there, photography and growing in that art, is also incredibly important to me. the good thing about photography as that it just fits into every area of my life - i don't need to fit my life around it.
i keep hearing jeremiah 29:11 in my mind...
' for i know the plans i have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future '
God's plans are long-term, and even in the learning, growing, stretching, and challenge, His plans prevail. i don't think this year will be easy by any means, but it will be so so so rewarding.
January 5, 2012
where You go, i'll go
"don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity"
1 Timothy 4:12
i think that my fear of performing inadequately or failing because people see me as 'too young' often haunts me. in terms of leading a mission's trip this summer, it has definitely become an issue. i know in my heart of hearts that God uses ordinary people to do His will, and i know, without a doubt, that any thing i do for Him will be blessed and bring Him glory. i know that He empowers the weak and gives us the measure of faith we need. i don't doubt that, and i don't doubt Him for an instant. but i doubt myself, often.
sometimes i look at myself and think, 'i'm only 20 years old! there's no way i can do that!.' correction: a lot of the time i look at myself and think that. but T and i were talking about this next summer together and i was reminded of Paul encouraging young Timothy, reminding him that age is not an obstacle, and it should never hinder us.
i feel completely incapable of leading people older than me. actually, that's wrong. age seems mostly irrelevant in this stage of life. i feel completely unworthy of leading people who i think are more experienced and more equipped than i am. that's where my insecurity lies.
saying 'yes' to the opportunity to co-lead the trip is one huge leap of faith. it's risky and it's uncertain. the only thing that is certain is that the journey will bring about a beautiful outcome, whether that's in the next six months, or never in our lifetime. God's purpose and His plans go so far beyond what we see. His perspective is so much bigger than our narrow view. we see next week, next month, next year. He sees eternity. i can't even begin to fathom that.
saying 'yes' to this opportunity means that we're going to be pissing Satan off, as T would say. i'm afraid i'll be too weak to fight. then again, it's not me fighting the battle, is it? ephesians 6:1 says 'be [made] strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.' He fights our battles for us, and that's a truth i'm going to have to constantly remind myself of.
saying 'yes' to this opportunity means opening ourselves up for huge growth, not only personally, but also as a couple. and that scares me too. i know the outcome will be so rewarding, but going through the growth is going to be uncomfortable and challenging. it'll mean loving even more selflessly, communicating even more clearly, and trusting wholeheartedly in God's plan. placing us in His hand's. there's normal growth in those areas, and then there's just asking for it. we're asking for it. i have no doubt in my mind though that this is God's plan for us. i'm just terrified that i won't be strong enough, humble enough, or loving enough. there's a 97% chance i'll fall flat on my face. then again, it's God's work, right? He will carry us through. He will equip us and strengthen us in our time of need.
if anything, decisions like these force me to consider how far God has already brought me. i'd say i've been through the ringer, in a lot of different situations. i've been in uncomfortable and undesirable situations. i've been stretched and pulled in directions i just don't like. but God has never, ever, let go. He has blessed my life in ways better than i could have ever imagined. He won't stop now.
trusting Him
for those of you reading this, if that's anyone, today has been a day...let me tell you.
ever have one of those conversations where five bombs are dropped on you and you're sitting there after an hour going, 'um, what happened?.' well, that happened today. it's all for the better i know that, but T and i were sitting there with a friend of ours and both said, 'what is happening?!.' so believe me, 2012 is bringing a million changes. a lot of is still confidential, so unfortunately, i'm going to have to be a little vague in this post, but hopefully you still get something out of it...that's the hope, always!
first big brain-bomb...
travis and i have been asked to co-lead a summer mission's trip, and we are both so so stoked about it. we met with our mission's pastor today to talk about his experience there and his hope for the summer team, and how we will play into all that. a part of me is so excited about the opportunity, so excited about what God is doing in this country, and so excited to visit the missionaries there, some very dear friends of ours.
the other half of me is terrified. when we were first approached about leading the team, we though at first that just meant travis, which would make sense. he's been on a ton of trips, has been at bethany for a long time, and has seen and learned a lot throughout his time there. it seems natural for him to step into this next level of leadership.
me, on the other hand...i've been on one mission's trip with bethany (argentina, last summer), and i've only been at the church for about 2 years...i really only feel like i became more plugged in during this past year. i still think of myself as a newbie, but over the last six months, the Lord has opened door after door for me to serve. i haven't really asked for anything; it's like God has just placed opportunities into my lap. in response, i've had to step out in faith and serve with a willing heart. sometimes, i feel like that's all i have to offer. He does the rest. this mission's trip is another one of those opportunities.
co-leading this trip over the summer would be a huge leap of faith, for me personally, and for us as a couple. we'd be leading adults older than us; i'd be leading the women. resolving conflict, administering things efficiently, building into them, and communicating effectively with T, our team, and the missionaries there all come along with the job, and i feel so incapable of doing it all well. at the same time though, it's in our weaknesses that God is glorified, so in one way, i'm glad i don't feel equipped for this. if we take on the role, that means God is doing the work - we're just his vessels.
on a relational level, i think this opportunity could bring huge growth between T and i. as leaders, we'd be held to an even higher level of accountability. if there isn't unity between us, unity between the team will be weakened. working together will require constant communication and an attitude of humility. the experience would teach me a lot about respecting him as a man and as a leader. i can be stubborn, opinionated, and head-strong. thankfully, so can travis, and he can put me in my place (one of the reasons i love him so).
preparation for this trip would begin now. it would require monthly leadership training, and constant prayer. this is the first major decision we've had to make, and that's exciting to me! it means praying together, discussing our hesitations and expectations, and working together to serve the Lord. if T goes into ministry, it's a little taste of what our life would look like. in my heart of hearts, i couldn't be more excited.
...and number 2:
i'm up for a promotion at work, and i had an interview for the position this morning. it went well i think, but if anything, i might have been a little straightforward. which isn't a bad thing...i don't think. taking this position would require more time, but also give me a challenge and more pay (both of which would be great!). but work is not my priority. in fact, on my list of priorities, it falls at like...number 5. and i told my manager so. truly, this whole situation is in God's hands too. if my manager is looking for a hard worker, then hopefully i'll get the job. if she's just looking for someone to do her beck and call and sell themselves to Jamba, then nope, forget it. we'll see if honesty really is the best policy...
i have absolutely no idea what God has in store for this year, but i'm 100% that He has a great plan in store. i could worry, or i could just simply trust Him. i'll choose option B.
ever have one of those conversations where five bombs are dropped on you and you're sitting there after an hour going, 'um, what happened?.' well, that happened today. it's all for the better i know that, but T and i were sitting there with a friend of ours and both said, 'what is happening?!.' so believe me, 2012 is bringing a million changes. a lot of is still confidential, so unfortunately, i'm going to have to be a little vague in this post, but hopefully you still get something out of it...that's the hope, always!
first big brain-bomb...
travis and i have been asked to co-lead a summer mission's trip, and we are both so so stoked about it. we met with our mission's pastor today to talk about his experience there and his hope for the summer team, and how we will play into all that. a part of me is so excited about the opportunity, so excited about what God is doing in this country, and so excited to visit the missionaries there, some very dear friends of ours.
the other half of me is terrified. when we were first approached about leading the team, we though at first that just meant travis, which would make sense. he's been on a ton of trips, has been at bethany for a long time, and has seen and learned a lot throughout his time there. it seems natural for him to step into this next level of leadership.
me, on the other hand...i've been on one mission's trip with bethany (argentina, last summer), and i've only been at the church for about 2 years...i really only feel like i became more plugged in during this past year. i still think of myself as a newbie, but over the last six months, the Lord has opened door after door for me to serve. i haven't really asked for anything; it's like God has just placed opportunities into my lap. in response, i've had to step out in faith and serve with a willing heart. sometimes, i feel like that's all i have to offer. He does the rest. this mission's trip is another one of those opportunities.
co-leading this trip over the summer would be a huge leap of faith, for me personally, and for us as a couple. we'd be leading adults older than us; i'd be leading the women. resolving conflict, administering things efficiently, building into them, and communicating effectively with T, our team, and the missionaries there all come along with the job, and i feel so incapable of doing it all well. at the same time though, it's in our weaknesses that God is glorified, so in one way, i'm glad i don't feel equipped for this. if we take on the role, that means God is doing the work - we're just his vessels.
on a relational level, i think this opportunity could bring huge growth between T and i. as leaders, we'd be held to an even higher level of accountability. if there isn't unity between us, unity between the team will be weakened. working together will require constant communication and an attitude of humility. the experience would teach me a lot about respecting him as a man and as a leader. i can be stubborn, opinionated, and head-strong. thankfully, so can travis, and he can put me in my place (one of the reasons i love him so).
preparation for this trip would begin now. it would require monthly leadership training, and constant prayer. this is the first major decision we've had to make, and that's exciting to me! it means praying together, discussing our hesitations and expectations, and working together to serve the Lord. if T goes into ministry, it's a little taste of what our life would look like. in my heart of hearts, i couldn't be more excited.
...and number 2:
i'm up for a promotion at work, and i had an interview for the position this morning. it went well i think, but if anything, i might have been a little straightforward. which isn't a bad thing...i don't think. taking this position would require more time, but also give me a challenge and more pay (both of which would be great!). but work is not my priority. in fact, on my list of priorities, it falls at like...number 5. and i told my manager so. truly, this whole situation is in God's hands too. if my manager is looking for a hard worker, then hopefully i'll get the job. if she's just looking for someone to do her beck and call and sell themselves to Jamba, then nope, forget it. we'll see if honesty really is the best policy...
i have absolutely no idea what God has in store for this year, but i'm 100% that He has a great plan in store. i could worry, or i could just simply trust Him. i'll choose option B.
January 3, 2012
2012 resolutions
last year, i made a gigantically huge list of new year's resolutions which i've kept posted along the side of my blog. i loved them, and 2012 doesn't mean i'm going to get rid of them. in fact, i think those resolutions are more a way of life that i want to continue cultivating into this new year and long after that. 2011 taught me a lot, and some of those goals opened up opportunity and challenge for me.
for example, confront issues: ever since i moved away and started college, confrontation has been a huge lesson i've learned. 2011 held some huge issues, and i had to confront people i had known all my life, which is way harder than confronting people you aren't so deeply attached to. there's much more to lose in those conflicts, but also, so much to gain. and i'm so grateful for all the struggles, because they have deepened friendships and strengthened me. dating has also opened up a lot of opportunity to practice confrontation. when you have a person and they're your best friend and you spend time with them almost every day, it becomes really obvious when i have a problem...i can't hide it. learning to be confrontational, but also tactful and loving is a lesson i'll constantly be learning, and something T is patiently teaching me. for that, i'm extremely thankful.
i did go on a road trip (a few in fact) and reclaim my straight A's. i bought an SLR camera and learned much more about photography. i did something different, started saying 'i love you' much more, prayed more, and drank more tea...and tons more coffee. but all of those things seem petty in the big picture. they're a way of life, but they're not my purpose.
this year, i have one resolution. well, it has a few parts - but it's one idea.
be content. be content in my circumstances, no matter what they are, instead of wasting time and energy comparing my life to others. this year is going to be bring a lot of change, not in my life directly, but in the lives of my friends, and that's going to affect me. my best friend is getting married in a month, people have been getting engaged up the wazoo lately, and i suspect there are more weddings happening in the very near future, many of my close friends are graduating, and things are going to look very different in my world by this time next year. it'll all be for the better, i don't have a doubt about that, but my life might look very much the same next year. i'll still be at CSULB, i'll still be living on Long Beach, and i'll still be dating T (as far as i know ;]). as other people charge on into new stages of life, it's going to be very easy for jealousy to rear its big ugly head. that's why i'm resolving to practice contentment, because i know it'll be challenging.
part 2 is this: live in the moment. don't worry about the future or constantly plan ahead. be prepared, but not obsessed. God places small blessings in my life every day. i don't want to miss them just because i'm too busy thinking ahead. does that make sense? i'm a planner, and already, i've found myself starting to worry about situations i have no control over right now. who will i be living with next year? where will i live? what will i do over the summer? thankfully, T is completely the opposite, and so together, we balance each other out pretty well. i want to live in every day, every moment, and not waste time stressing and fretting over things that might not even happen, things i have no control over. every day, i want to better trust God with my plans, and rest in the knowledge that His plans are best.
so there you have it. 2012, i'm excited for all the change you promise. by the end of this year, i'll be on the brink of graduation and huge changes in my own life. but God still has a lot to do through me and through T & i over this next year, and i'm excited for Him to use us. i'm trying not to get ahead of Him, because He still has big things in store. i just know it.
for example, confront issues: ever since i moved away and started college, confrontation has been a huge lesson i've learned. 2011 held some huge issues, and i had to confront people i had known all my life, which is way harder than confronting people you aren't so deeply attached to. there's much more to lose in those conflicts, but also, so much to gain. and i'm so grateful for all the struggles, because they have deepened friendships and strengthened me. dating has also opened up a lot of opportunity to practice confrontation. when you have a person and they're your best friend and you spend time with them almost every day, it becomes really obvious when i have a problem...i can't hide it. learning to be confrontational, but also tactful and loving is a lesson i'll constantly be learning, and something T is patiently teaching me. for that, i'm extremely thankful.
i did go on a road trip (a few in fact) and reclaim my straight A's. i bought an SLR camera and learned much more about photography. i did something different, started saying 'i love you' much more, prayed more, and drank more tea...and tons more coffee. but all of those things seem petty in the big picture. they're a way of life, but they're not my purpose.
this year, i have one resolution. well, it has a few parts - but it's one idea.
be content. be content in my circumstances, no matter what they are, instead of wasting time and energy comparing my life to others. this year is going to be bring a lot of change, not in my life directly, but in the lives of my friends, and that's going to affect me. my best friend is getting married in a month, people have been getting engaged up the wazoo lately, and i suspect there are more weddings happening in the very near future, many of my close friends are graduating, and things are going to look very different in my world by this time next year. it'll all be for the better, i don't have a doubt about that, but my life might look very much the same next year. i'll still be at CSULB, i'll still be living on Long Beach, and i'll still be dating T (as far as i know ;]). as other people charge on into new stages of life, it's going to be very easy for jealousy to rear its big ugly head. that's why i'm resolving to practice contentment, because i know it'll be challenging.
part 2 is this: live in the moment. don't worry about the future or constantly plan ahead. be prepared, but not obsessed. God places small blessings in my life every day. i don't want to miss them just because i'm too busy thinking ahead. does that make sense? i'm a planner, and already, i've found myself starting to worry about situations i have no control over right now. who will i be living with next year? where will i live? what will i do over the summer? thankfully, T is completely the opposite, and so together, we balance each other out pretty well. i want to live in every day, every moment, and not waste time stressing and fretting over things that might not even happen, things i have no control over. every day, i want to better trust God with my plans, and rest in the knowledge that His plans are best.
so there you have it. 2012, i'm excited for all the change you promise. by the end of this year, i'll be on the brink of graduation and huge changes in my own life. but God still has a lot to do through me and through T & i over this next year, and i'm excited for Him to use us. i'm trying not to get ahead of Him, because He still has big things in store. i just know it.
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