a God-scripted story / part two: the beginning of forever

i shared part one of my story a few weeks ago, my journey from boy-crazy to contentedly single. the process i went through before i finally understood that God already had a man for me, and as long as i trusted Him first, my heart's desires would be filled...when? i wasn't sure yet, but i didn't mind waiting. i was looking forward to using my singleness for a divine purpose. and i knew that when, or even if, God placed my future person in my life, i'd know it without a doubt.

i was not at all ready for the story He had in mind.

just over a year ago, i moved back to Long Beach after spending christmas at home. i moved in with one of my best friends and spent january in what we all liked to call the 'josie house.' as the only house in the college group without parents, the josie house became a beloved hang out spot for most of my friends...but in the 3 weeks i was there, there was one friend who started spending a lot of time over there. i had known him for a little over a year...he was the funny goofball - that's how i had always known and considered him.

as we spent more time together though, i realized that he was more than just the 'funny guy.' he was thoughtful and kind. he loved the Lord with all his heart and sought to please Him in everything he did. he slowly became a great friend, and we spent many nights talking about God's will for our [individual, single] lives and things we hoped for in our future someones. without knowing it yet, God was already starting to weave our stories together...

there was a moment, one night, when i suddenly saw more in this guy. he took care of others, took care of me, and was thoughtful in everything he did. but still, he was just my friend...(right?)

almost exactly a year ago, a friend of mine confirmed what my heart already knew...something more was happening between this guy and me. i remember distinctly thinking, 'well, this isn't the worst news ever!' but still, my heart wasn't still. in knowing that there was something more, i was suddenly aware that our interaction could be hurtful to him, especially if i wasn't feeling the way he was. i knew he liked me, but i didn't know if i liked him. and i knew that if i continued acting the way i had been, i might lead him on...and the last thing i wanted to do was hurt him.

that weekend before the spring semester started was one of the most tumultous weekends of my life. emotionally, i was all over the place, and i spent hours seeking counsel in my mom, my best friend, and other friends of mine. all of them told me the same thing - talk to him.

talk to him?! the idea scared the heck out of me. i had to be honest, and honest might hurt him, and hurt our friendship as well, i thought. the thought of losing that scared me even more. i avoided the situation, i avoided him, and i did everything possible to weasel my way out of the conversation i knew had to take place. i lost.

and so just about a year ago, i experienced one of the most awkward, and best, lunches of my life. we met up at the student union, ate lunch, and then stalled and stalled, before i knew i didn't have a single minute left to waste. i would have to break the news.

'dear you,' the letter started. 'i know things have changed between us, and i just want you to know, i don't like you.'

well, that's not exactly how it went...it was much more loving than that, i promise. but i was terrified. terrified of losing one my newest and greatest friends, terrified that i'd forever bruise an incredible guy.

but despite all the fear and nervous-ness, i knew one thing for sure - he loved the Lord, and so did i, and if we were both seeking His will, then we were doing the right thing. God held our future, his and mine, in his hands, and if things were to become something between us, then God would guide us in that too.

and so we promised each other we'd pray, and patiently wait on God's timing...and a week later we went on our first date.

all that to say, communication is the most important thing i can think of between people, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, and crushes. it's uncomfortable and awkward, and yet it brings so much blessing. looking back on that lunch now, i can't help but smile. because it was on that day, that i realized what a great man this guy was...

he heard everything i had to say, looked up at me and said, 'i'll wait for you.'

girls, listen to me - find a man who doens't work on his own terms, but is wholeheartedly seeking God's plan. a man who will selflessly love you, even before he tells you so.

watch his character. become his friend. talk to him. and pray with him.

guys, when you start pursuing a girl, examine why you're pursuing her. is it because you want something out of it? or because you honestly believe she is God's will for your life. someone who will challenge you and someone you can grow with. someone worth waiting for.

that lunch, on an ordinary wednesday in the university student union, was the start of the best adventure of my life. it hasn't always been easy. but from that moment, it has always been worth it.

a God-scripted story / part 1: singleness

once upon a time, there was a girl who loved love. she read books about it, loved stories about other couples who had found love, watched every rom-com she could get her hands on, and always always hoped that maybe one day, she'd find love like that too.

when she was in the 8th grade, she vowed never to kiss a boy while she still had braces. her braces came off, and of course, there were no prospects. she graduated high school realizing she'd never had, and never would have, a high school sweetheart. though she had her moments of doubt, whether she doubted God, doubted herself, or doubted love, she poured herself into everything else life gave her. one summer, she realized she was all grown up, and it was time to pack up her room, throw everything in her car, and head into a big and scary unknown, knowing that she was leaving a family behind who loved her, and her God was going with her, every step of the way. and in the back of her mind, she hoped that maybe, just maybe, she'd find her man at college.

socal boys, foul mouths, and the realities of a HUGE secular school quickly erased any of those wild ideas, and save for the few exceptions, the girl had all but given up on boys. she was disappointed, and yes, maybe a little bitter too. and then one cold winter night, it hit her. before she could ever enter into a healthy, lasting, and Godly relationship, she first had to be ok with being alone. instead of accepting the bitter fact, she had to learn to accept the wonderful truth that there was already someone out there, someone God had specifically designed for her, someone God was preparing her for, and someone God was preparing for her. in that moment, she thanked the Lord for sparing her from those silly high-school crushes and keeping those doors closed, time after time. she realized now that it wasn't just her, fighting alone. God was already ahead of her, and yet, He was right there beside her at the same time.

instead of focusing on the short term, the instant gratification of simply having a boyfriend, she began thinking long-term, praying for her man-to-be, and praying daily that God would constantly grow contentment and trust in her heart, because that's the secret to happiness - being content in your circumstances. and for once, she was absolutely ok with being single. good-bye with the whiny conversations with other girlfriends, good-bye to the hopeless swooning over movies and everything else fiction. hello reality. it wasn't an easy journey, but after nineteen years of disappointment and pointless wondering, God finally made the message clear - He was enough, and that boy? the perfect, loving, all i could have ever dreamed of boy? he was out there, somewhere - it just wasn't time yet. she wasn't ready, and neither was he.

for all your single girls, that is my story. i feel like i've been hearing so many stories about singleness, waiting, hoping, praying, and learning, and believe me, it's a journey, but such a rewarding one. sometimes i feel like my story is absolutely void considering where life has me now, but it's not. every moment of the hoping, every moment of the wishing, taught me valuable lessons, and i wouldn't change those nineteen years of alone-ness for anything.

i was that girl, the girl in her whole group of new college friends who'd never been kissed. the girl who adamantly believed in love, and yet hadn't never known boy love for herself. the girl who had never been on a date, had always gone to high-school dances with her group of girlfriends. a girl who unwaveringly believed that God already had her love story scripted, and if she would just follow Him, she'd know a life and a love better than she could have ever hoped for.

and i was right...but that story can wait for later ;]