GIVEAWAY: love session

since christmas, engagements have been blowing up my facebook and instagram feed,and i love it! in the spirit of love (valentine's day is just around the corner!), i'm giving away a love session (engagement or anniversary) to a lucky couple. documenting incredible love between two people is one of my favorite things - there's just nothing better.

scroll down for details

here's how to enter: 

1. send an e-mail to debbie.gilley1@gmail.com and tell me your love story and why you want to win a love session. 

2. include a photo of you & yours in your e-mail.

3. if you want to nominate someone who you think would love a session to document this season of their life, feel free to enter them as well! 

4. deadline for entries is Wednesday, January 15th at midnight. 

5. winner will be announced on Friday, January 17th (all other giveaway participants will receive a generous session discount). 

conditions: this giveaway only includes an engagement or anniversary session - no families, newborns, or senior portraits (but maybe in the future!). 

i'm so excited to read your stories and get to know you all! 

countdown // forty-one

this weekend was all kinds of wonderful - even the not-so-wonderful things were made good. 

i think it'd be safe to say that through our engagement we have learned more about each other, disagreed more often, loved more, cried more, and prayed more fervently than ever before. it has not been roses & glitter - but who ever said it would be, or that we were entitled to that? but it has been so good - soul good. good for me, good for you, good for us. 

friday was hard. but it ended sweetly. after the tears dried and we had let go of the stress, hurt, and misunderstanding, we were ready to be filled once again. filled first with HIS unending love. what a wake up call for me - that i often tend to depend on your love or the love of others more than that of our Heavenly Father. i haven't been feeling His love lately, i confessed. it has just felt like test after test. he tests those who he is preparing for big things, you reminded me. i nodded, knowing in my head but not feeling it in my heart. we talked about living a missional life and our mission field - not only across the world but right here, in our home, in our community. when we go out, you said, we prepare ourselves for the mission field - we don't complain, we don't whine, we are flexible and adaptable, we are fully surrendered. our marriage is also a mission, and though it will be sweet and so good, it will also be faced with challenges and obstacles perhaps designed by our Enemy to weaken us, but destined to make us stronger through the grace of our Savior. 

thank you for leading us. 

in my desperate attempt to slow time down and hold on to you before you leave, we also declared sunday a T&D day - a sacred day. a day of adventure and spontaneity. a hike through the woods, the almost fatal injury to my camera, a trip to Trader Joe's for snacks and treats, a late (LATE) movie, watching the sunset in malibu, a drive down PCH, conversations until we had no words left, a starbucks date, dinner at the diner, the good sunday morning...it was perfect. 

oh and hey, i love you. i'll miss you like crazy. 

countdown // forty-seven

hey you, 

we're getting married in 47 days, and as of today, i have 24 days of togetherness left with you before we become husband and wife - have i told you lately that i'm beyond excited? i'm pretty sure i said that at least 3 times yesterday, and maybe 7 times the day before. i just can't help it. 

thank you for a wonderful weekend at home. besides the throwing up/fever part, the chaos in the house, and the complete lack of quiet, it was still so good. thank you for always listening to what's on my heart, for never giving up on us when things are tough, and for always vowing to make it right again. thank you for understanding my need for quality time, for making it your priority as well. i want to treasure every moment of the next 12 days and hold on to those memories for the 23 days after that. they will be days of remembering you, praying for you, missing you, and eagerly anticipating your return home. 

our coffee date on sunday morning was the best moment during the weekend. i love talking about our life together, and i am so grateful that your heart seeks to follow Jesus first, no matter the cost. we're not destined for mediocre or average - we have both felt that pull in our heart for years. up to this point, we've spent our life as individuals, and in the last 2 years we've been individuals preparing for a life as one. it is my deepest hope and prayer that our together and forever life is one that brings magnificent glory to our King, that it is a testament of His power and purpose in our life. we are called to this, called to marriage. what a gift, that God delights in our love and created it for His glory. what a win-win. 

whether we adopt, serve in local organizations, lead others, go out onto the mission field, feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, work in our careers, or raise a family, all of it will be for our good and for His. 

are you ready for this adventure? because i am so ready to begin it with you. 

sundaygrams

this weekend, love looked like

a 2 hour car trip just to be together

taking a detour to visit one of our spots

making meatloaf for dinner

stopping at the bookstore to run an errand

butting heads, but resolving to work it out

lots of prayer

an early morning church service

spending the day apartment hunting and spending more time praying for our future

buying a latte

proofreading my thesis

pushing the grocery cart

standing in line at the theater for an hour

sneaking coffee into the movies

holding hands during the sermon

talking about the things God is doing in our life

registering

realizing our wedding day/night is less than 100 days away

grabbing mission slip letters from the church office

stealing kisses

2 years ago, i gave my first kiss to this man, a kiss i'd been saving for my whole life - i think at this moment i said, 'aren't you glad i'm a much better kisser now than i was then?' ;]

putting his hand on my knee while i drove and he read

and learning how to love more selflessly.

the greatest thing about love is that it chooses you, and you choose it in return - every day, every hour, no matter what.

standing at the spot where T asked me to be his girl over 2 years ago!

i hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

engagement photos // a starbucks date

a few weeks ago, T and i had our engagement photos taken, and i am so excited to share them today! 

if there are a few things you should know about us, one of them is that we love coffee, and we love going on coffee shop dates together. so, i thought it'd be appropriate to start our afternoon at our local starbucks. we stop by this place almost every day a couple times a week, and the baristas have become friends to us. it's a little awesome ridiculous, seriously. these might be some of my favorite photos, because they're just so us. the silly-ness, the fun, the little moments in between. and the constant cup of coffee in my hand.

they say pictures are worth a thousand words - the glances and the uncontainable smiles in these photos? they say more than i ever could with words. 

a huge thank you to our sweet friend, Jordan Lewis, for capturing these. you guys should definitely check out her new site and like her Facebook page!

one hundred twenty two

i would text this to you, but i feel like blogging it instead. and i almost put it on Facebook, but then we'd be ridiculed for being too cute and gross, and wait, are we really that happy? ;] 

you just made my morning, like literally right now. it's 7:51am, and i should be starting my philosophy of teaching paper, but instead, you're coming over early for a morning together. any morning that starts with, what could yours truly bring you for breakfast today? is definitely a good, good morning. how do you know what i always need, before i even know myself? an hour of quiet with you to start what would otherwise maybe be an overwhelming day sounds like a little slice of heaven. 

that's probably one of the things in marriage that i'm most excited about - to start almost every morning with you next to me, to drink coffee together and prepare for the day ahead, to pray together before one of us walks out the door, and to start every day on the same page. these little morning dates we get now are just a tease! 

o n e f i v e s e v e n

"if i only had twenty-fours left, i would want to be right with God, and i would want to be perfectly honest and in tune with you."

one of the greatest things about love is the companionship it promises, not only in the good, but through the bad as well.

this past weekend, you were open and real and vulnerable with me in the most honest way. thank you for always desiring to be better for me, for us, and for our God. through your honesty and your struggle, i was the one who was challenged. challenged to always be honest with you, to check my heart, to hold you accountable, to speak truth into your life, to be your prayer warrior. i think you were afraid i might love you less, but you know what? i love you more. and you know what's even more amazing? that's the kind of love Jesus has for us. He has every reason to keep us distant, to punish us, to take His love away. yet, a broken heart and a contrite spirit are a sacrifice to Him; they please Him. and He always extends His grace when we least deserve it. we are drawn closer to Him when we are in the midst of struggle. isn't that incredible? it's overwhelming. 

thank you for inviting me to share life with you, every single piece of it. i am so grateful that we are a team, that we can lean on each other when one is weak, and that together, we draw each other closer to Jesus - the source of our strength, the one who transforms and sustains us. 

thank you for challenging me to evaluate my heart, to check where we're at spiritually. it's so easy to point the finger at everyone else around you, but like you said, change begins with one person. before we can blame anyone else, we have to examine ourselves. 

you're the best friend i've ever had, or ever will have. every day, my love for your grows, and i plan on keeping it that way for a long time, k? 

martyr

i'm a martyr, in case you didn't know - and no, it's not a good thing.

because i'm also stubborn and dramatic.

and stubborn, dramatic martyr is one messy and selfish combination.

a friend said to me a few weeks ago that she started learning all the uglies in her heart once she became married, and that it was a tough road, but full of deep growth.

i have become painfully aware of the uglies in my heart over the last year and a bit, and right now, it's all i can see.

i am so undeserving of love, but so abundantly thankful for it. and every day, because of love, i will strive to be more worthy of it, and i will not take it for granted.

sundays

i've decided to start a little mini-series about my absolute favorite day of the week. the idea came to my while i was in church, listening to our pastor deliver, and i realized that we often hear the Word, and by the time we go to sleep on sunday night, we've forgotten everything we learned that morning. sometimes, writing things down and revisiting them later on in the day or week help me cement everything in my heart and mind. so this mini-series is a little bit for your enjoyment, hopefully, but also for me. 

yesterday was one of those sundays - you know, the kind of sunday sundays were made to be. T and i realized that we haven't had a quiet moment in God's Word together in quite a while, so we woke up bright and early and met at a local coffee shop to drink coffee, eat a bagel, and read together. it was the absolute perfect start to the day, even if we only had 30 quick minutes. 

after leading worship in the college group (i love singing and praising Jesus with him), we headed to our main service. yesterday's message was on the end of James 1 (p.s. i feel like i should re-cap last sunday, too, because it was so deeply moving - maybe in another post). we were challenged to quiet our hearts and quiet our lives down, to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. this theme of quiet-ing down has resurfaced time and time again in the last few months. in case you didn't know, i've been asked to speak at our upcoming women's retreat, and the theme for the weekend is rest - a word us women especially tend to scoff at. but as i've moved into preparing the message and preparing for the week, the Lord keeps sending me little reminders and teaching me lessons - is my heart quiet enough to hear Him, am i resting in His grace, His provision? it's a never-ending lesson. 

the second part of the message was probably where this idea came from. are we only hearers of the word, or are we also doers? how is our fruit? are we like the man, who looks at himself in the mirror and then turns away and quickly forgets his reflection?

lastly, we were challenged to live out our faith. sometimes our faith becomes so much about head knowledge, and we forget to meet the needs of those around us. James says that true religion is looking out for the widows and the orphans in their distress. as the daughter of a widow, and a half-orphan, this verse has always stuck out to me. do i pass on the love my family was shown during our time of loss to others around me? or am i keeping all those blessings to myself? 

after church, i went back into the buzzing lobby to help out with women's registration - and you guys! it's blowing up! i'm so excited. about 70 women are coming, and i am so excited to get to know each of them better, learn from them, and enjoy a weekend away with God and community. only 3 little weeks to go - which is also scary, because i still have a lot of work to do on my message. which, by the way, is also absurd - me? speaking to all kinds of women of all ages? to all of you who have been so encouraging, thank you! 

our afternoon was spent loving on sweet baby Claire and helping her parents out. she screamed, she cried, she smiled, she coo-ed, she played with us, my goodness, she's just so adorable. oh, and bless T's heart, i've officially dubbed him the Baby Whisperer. there's something to say about a man when a baby just instantly stills in his arms. i think Claire has a little crush - everyone needs a little T in their life, if you ask me ;]

on top of encouraging conversations, a spontaneous movie night, home cooked meals, smoothies to cool us down on another hot day, and a tiny bit of homework, yesterday was filled with beauty and joy, endless smiles and much-needed rest. i couldn't have asked for a better day off. 

xoxo,

deb

good bye

i'm usually not great at saying good-bye. i stay pretty emotionless during the hugs and the 'see you laters.' the reality of the good-bye doesn't typically sink in until days or weeks later.

not tonight.

tonight i am one big blubbering female mess.

for the next six days, T will be on Santa Barbara Island as part of a class trip. not seeing him for 6 days is strange enough, especially since we're used to spending at least a tiny bit of time together every day. but on a little one-square mile island out in the Pacific, there's also no service or source of communication whatsoever. the fact that we won't be in touch at all is absolutely killing me, and i'm not sure why.

maybe it's because i've been psyching myself up for this trip for a few weeks.

maybe it's because i'm afraid something might happen to him, and i won't be there to help.

or maybe it's because i'm absolutely bananas for this guy. 

the tears started on sunday night. it was one of those nights where he was my rock exactly when i needed him to be strong. he was praying over me and encouraging me, and i think it suddenly dawned on me that i would be without that for a while, longer than i have ever been in our last 15 months. 

this afternoon, we spent a few last hours together, and i was dreading the end the entire time. the tears came again when we were laying down, just relaxing and enjoying some quiet moments with each other. i am so stupid in love with him, a love that is deeper than anything i have ever known before. i started picturing the next week without him, and as fun and busy as it will be, it will no doubt be lonely and empty. the stack of cards he handed me will be an absolute lifesaver, and since we always seem to be on the same page, he has a stack of letters from me to read throughout the week too. thank goodness.

i will miss telling him about my day and hearing about his. 

i'll miss his advice when i need it and his perspective on things.

i'll miss his challenges and his encouragement. 

i'll miss his hugs and holding his hand.

i'll miss hearing 'i love you's' every day and laughing my head off.

i'll simply miss being next to him and doing things with him. 

i'll miss my best friend most of all. 

thankfully, we both have God in our hearts, and i am praying for extra portions of His comfort, peace, and strength this week. i'll confess to you that i feel absolutely ridiculous for crying all the way home from san pedro. i thought i was the strong and independent girl. i'm pretty sure now that if anything were ever to happen to T, it would be through God's strength alone that i would survive and carry on. i guess that's what happens when you fall deeply in love with someone.

the day my heart broke

i'm going to be real with you today.

love. hurts.

i don't mean hurt as in people in love hurting each other. not at all. i mean the kind of love where you want things so badly it hurts when they don't happen. wait, let me backtrack. all of this comes from a place long ago...

eight years ago, my dad passed away from colon cancer. i'll be honest with you and tell you that i don't remember many of the details surrounding the weeks and months after it happened. i remember the anguish and deep pain i felt on the day. i'll never, ever forget that. and i realize now how much that day changed me on the inside. i often tell people that i grew stronger and learned so much about God's faithfulness. all of that is true. but that day also broke my heart.

before that day, i was not a very sensitive or emotional person. i thought it was absolutely ridiculous when people cried during movies. i never cried about things like that. i didn't have a lot of compassion on those weaker than me. i wouldn't describe myself as sympathetic or empathetic. i was a bull-headed girl who breezed by others. i was bossy and critical (and i still am, a little bit).

at 12 years old, that day broke my heart, and it hasn't really been fixed since then. most people probably still describe me as strong, joyful, the 'have it all together' girl. that's the girl i try to be, because really, losing my dad did make me stronger, and it brought me a deep joy and reliance on the Lord that i would have never known before. but most people probably don't see the girl who tries to hold back her tears when she is overwhelmed or hurt. that's me too.

suddenly, i became the girl who cried in movies and shows. i cry when characters lose someone they love. i cry when i see people celebrating moments of sheer joy. my heart aches when i see people suffering, rejected, alone, or lost. i so desperately wish they could know the deep love of God, his healing, and his faithfulness. that alone is the only thing that makes me who i am today.

despite all the loss and the grief though, i'm still a girl who hopes and dreams with all her heart. this morning i realized that on that day, 8 years ago, i lost the person my little twelve year old self loved most. my dad was my hero, my comforter, and my protector. in the years following, i often resented God for taking away the strongest male influence in my life. my mom, my two sisters, and me, had no man to lean on anymore. but we slowly learned to lean on God, and we learned that we are strong ourselves.

then, a year ago, God gave me a new protector, a new comforter, and a new hero. the hole in my heart was suddenly filled. nothing could stop me from loving him with everything i had. he was, and still is, every answer to all of my prayers. and every day, i wish he and my dad could have met in this life.

but big love also means big hurt. as a little girl, my dad was the man i loved most. and when God took him, my heart hurt more than it ever had before. now, as a grown woman, T is the man i love most. but that also means that he's the one i miss the most, always, the one who has the potential to break my heart unlike anyone else, and the one i have the biggest hopes for. i think that's the risk in love. by giving all of your heart to someone, you're accepting the risk that they could hurt you more than any other human on the planet. but i can undoubtedly say that the risk is worth it.

KONY 2012

i haven't blogged in a good while. over a month actually. not because i haven't had anything to say, but because there's been so much going on that i've been trying my hardest to keep my head above water. good things. but a lot of them.

from my best friend's wedding, which was beautiful and perfect and so refreshing, to my college best friend's engagement one week later, i have now realized that i will not escape wedding fever for the next few years. and in total, i'll have been maid-of-honoring for over a year. it's an honor.

valentine's day came and went (remember that? seems like so long ago), and then a couple of weeks later, it was time to celebrate T's 22nd birthday. i LOVE birthdays. balloons, cake and candles, a surprise party - the whole shebang. it was such a blast celebrating and spoiling him for the whole day. he deserved it. i kid you not, i woke up on his birthday probably more excited than he was. i'm telling you, i love birthdays.

two days after that, we celebrated our first year of dating, and it was such a happy day. i can't believe so much time has passed, and yet, it feels like it flew by. every day God gives us together is another blessing.

between endless exams and class readings, i'm trying to stay afloat and survive til spring break. school is, unfortunately, so not my priority.

there's your brief wrap-up and now we're here today. well wait. backtrack. yesterday. what a day.

yesterday, i spent the whole day in doctor's offices, shuffling paperwork, and making phone calls. health issues are not something i'm used to. and to cap it off, T and i saw the BIG ROCK. you know. the rock? the giant boulder that's slooooowwwly making its way to LACMA? it was actually pretty cool - and we were interviewed by ABC7! our interview didn't make it on the news, but i still did - just in the background, taking pictures, you know, the usual.

yesterday, though, i watched the KONY 2012 video. have you seen it? click the link and watch it.

i was introduced to the invisible children last year, and the first video i saw shook me. the situation is tragic, evil, and must be ended. this year, 2012, IC's campaign is to 'make Kony famous.' he's the International Criminal Court's #1 most wanted. he is the world's worst war criminal. and no one knows about him. he, like the children he abducts, is invisible. this year, he will be made famous. this movement is something powerful and something i fully support. you know why? because outside of the politics and the arguments, there is one simple truth - we are called to be people of compassion, defenders of the weak, and liberators for the oppressed. our role is not to argue with one another just for the sake of being right. just for pride's sake. our life's purpose is so. simple.

love.

sound radical? maybe it is. but that was Jesus' life. radical and filled with love. you can throw all your hesitations and concerns at me about the legitimacy of IC. be hesitant, that's fine. but don't try to sway me. the video states, 'where a child is born should not determine whether they live.' how lucky are we to be here?

free.
blessed.
alive.

no child should be taken from their parents. no child should have to kill their parents, their friends. no child should be denied the choice to live and live well. that's what KONY 2012 is about. children. not politics - politicians and their policies are merely tools. not money - it also, is a tool. not campaigning - posters, stickers, and propaganda are also just tools.

it's about 30,000 children who deserve a chance. and we have the opportunity to give them one. we can at least try.

a God-scripted story / part two: the beginning of forever

i shared part one of my story a few weeks ago, my journey from boy-crazy to contentedly single. the process i went through before i finally understood that God already had a man for me, and as long as i trusted Him first, my heart's desires would be filled...when? i wasn't sure yet, but i didn't mind waiting. i was looking forward to using my singleness for a divine purpose. and i knew that when, or even if, God placed my future person in my life, i'd know it without a doubt.

i was not at all ready for the story He had in mind.

just over a year ago, i moved back to Long Beach after spending christmas at home. i moved in with one of my best friends and spent january in what we all liked to call the 'josie house.' as the only house in the college group without parents, the josie house became a beloved hang out spot for most of my friends...but in the 3 weeks i was there, there was one friend who started spending a lot of time over there. i had known him for a little over a year...he was the funny goofball - that's how i had always known and considered him.

as we spent more time together though, i realized that he was more than just the 'funny guy.' he was thoughtful and kind. he loved the Lord with all his heart and sought to please Him in everything he did. he slowly became a great friend, and we spent many nights talking about God's will for our [individual, single] lives and things we hoped for in our future someones. without knowing it yet, God was already starting to weave our stories together...

there was a moment, one night, when i suddenly saw more in this guy. he took care of others, took care of me, and was thoughtful in everything he did. but still, he was just my friend...(right?)

almost exactly a year ago, a friend of mine confirmed what my heart already knew...something more was happening between this guy and me. i remember distinctly thinking, 'well, this isn't the worst news ever!' but still, my heart wasn't still. in knowing that there was something more, i was suddenly aware that our interaction could be hurtful to him, especially if i wasn't feeling the way he was. i knew he liked me, but i didn't know if i liked him. and i knew that if i continued acting the way i had been, i might lead him on...and the last thing i wanted to do was hurt him.

that weekend before the spring semester started was one of the most tumultous weekends of my life. emotionally, i was all over the place, and i spent hours seeking counsel in my mom, my best friend, and other friends of mine. all of them told me the same thing - talk to him.

talk to him?! the idea scared the heck out of me. i had to be honest, and honest might hurt him, and hurt our friendship as well, i thought. the thought of losing that scared me even more. i avoided the situation, i avoided him, and i did everything possible to weasel my way out of the conversation i knew had to take place. i lost.

and so just about a year ago, i experienced one of the most awkward, and best, lunches of my life. we met up at the student union, ate lunch, and then stalled and stalled, before i knew i didn't have a single minute left to waste. i would have to break the news.

'dear you,' the letter started. 'i know things have changed between us, and i just want you to know, i don't like you.'

well, that's not exactly how it went...it was much more loving than that, i promise. but i was terrified. terrified of losing one my newest and greatest friends, terrified that i'd forever bruise an incredible guy.

but despite all the fear and nervous-ness, i knew one thing for sure - he loved the Lord, and so did i, and if we were both seeking His will, then we were doing the right thing. God held our future, his and mine, in his hands, and if things were to become something between us, then God would guide us in that too.

and so we promised each other we'd pray, and patiently wait on God's timing...and a week later we went on our first date.

all that to say, communication is the most important thing i can think of between people, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, and crushes. it's uncomfortable and awkward, and yet it brings so much blessing. looking back on that lunch now, i can't help but smile. because it was on that day, that i realized what a great man this guy was...

he heard everything i had to say, looked up at me and said, 'i'll wait for you.'

girls, listen to me - find a man who doens't work on his own terms, but is wholeheartedly seeking God's plan. a man who will selflessly love you, even before he tells you so.

watch his character. become his friend. talk to him. and pray with him.

guys, when you start pursuing a girl, examine why you're pursuing her. is it because you want something out of it? or because you honestly believe she is God's will for your life. someone who will challenge you and someone you can grow with. someone worth waiting for.

that lunch, on an ordinary wednesday in the university student union, was the start of the best adventure of my life. it hasn't always been easy. but from that moment, it has always been worth it.

love tip

i once heard someone say that if you're ever having a disagreement or argument with your spouse/significant other, it is important to maintain physical contact, whether it's reaching over and grabbing their hand or sitting close to them, especially when you just don't feel like it.

it helps remind you that they are a person, as a person you love, and not just some being that you're upset with. it's a reminder that love conquers all, that it's more important than you being right or wrong.

i think that whoever said that was a pretty wise person.

'for love is as strong as death, its jealousy as unyielding as the grave. it burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame. many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.'

song of solomon 8:6-7

giving thanks | day one

so i stole this idea from a friend and am going to pick something to be thankful for every single day. november shouldn't be the exception - we should always be thankful - but since it is the season, here we go.

this morning, i'm thankful for many many things, but i'll just pick 2: the Word of God & a love that deepens every single day.

mornings quietly spent in the Word are so precious to me. sometimes i forget that, and so i forget to spend that time aside. but when i wake up, grab my journal and Bible, and head to the couch in my comfies, i have a few minutes of refreshment to kick off the day just right. for the last few weeks or so, T and i have been focusing on 1 Peter, memorizing bits of it, reading different sections, and reading it together. this morning, i revisited the entire book, and people, let me tell ya - Peter has some great things to say. this verse, concerning women and their beauty, has always been one of my favorites:

'wives, be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. for this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.'

isn't it fantastic that words written thousands of years ago still hold so much relevance to today? God's word is timeless.

today, i'm also thankful for the gift of love i've been given, a love that deepens every day and only becomes stronger and truer. i'm thankful for a man who i can respect, look up to, admire, and be proud of. i'm thankful for a man who is so worthy of respect, and yet never believes he deserves it. his humility makes him even greater, and i am learning so much from him.

8 months & old people

yesterday was the 27th - a truly special date. it was 8 months ago that the boy swept me up to a mountaintop, asked me to be his girl, and kissed me for the first time. 8 months later, i'm still sure that saying 'yes' was the absolute best thing i ever did.

t & i aren't necessarily huge 'monthiversary' people. but yesterday, was truly memorable.

the last month hasn't been the easiest. i've learned so much, been challenged in so many ways, and have epically failed at being a good girlfriend every once in a while. love is tough stuff sometimes, you know? but it is SO rewarding. every day, i pray that the Lord will show me what it means to be a Godly woman, and eventually, a Godly wife. that might sound a little fast to some of you, but i firmly believe that you won't become that Godly wife the minute you say 'i do.' it's a process, one you can start right now, even if you're not in relationship. those characteristics take a long time to develop, after lots of testing, failing, and trying again. i'm pretty sure that even when i do say my 'i dos,' i still won't be all there, but maybe i'll be a little bit closer. this past month has proven to me that God is faithful, even in our relationships. like i said earlier, my story is undoubtedly a God-scripted one, and without Him, i wouldn't be as blessed as i am. love is a gift, one that needs to be cherished every single day. i'm so thankful for HIS patience with me and so thankful for T's unconditional love as well. our life isn't a fairytale; we're thrown curveballs all the time, but i wouldn't trade it for anything, because our love? it's perfect to me.

conveniently, this month the 27th fell on the same day as the Pursuit's Halloween Party, and it was hilarious. T has the incredible gift of being silly, and his old man act won us in n out gift cards - can you say dinner date? ;] but besides the pumpkin carving and the hilarious costumes, last night, i was also unexpectedly wooed & cherished in a BIG way...

in the middle of the party, old man T threw his walker aside, sprinted down to his car, and came back bearing a box in his hand and asking for the mic. oh dear. he grabbed his walker, toddled up to the front of the room, called me up to his side, and thoroughly embarrassed me by announcing our monthiversary to everyone and handing me a box and a card. i did not see it coming. but his big and sweet romantic gesture left me on cloud 9 for the rest of the night. i love cards, and i love practical gifts, like season 2 of modern family. holla.

all that mushy-gushy business to say, it was a happiest of 8 months, i'm officially the luckiest girl, and i will love this man even when we are wrinkly, decrepit, and old. definitely.

a God-scripted story / part 1: singleness

once upon a time, there was a girl who loved love. she read books about it, loved stories about other couples who had found love, watched every rom-com she could get her hands on, and always always hoped that maybe one day, she'd find love like that too.

when she was in the 8th grade, she vowed never to kiss a boy while she still had braces. her braces came off, and of course, there were no prospects. she graduated high school realizing she'd never had, and never would have, a high school sweetheart. though she had her moments of doubt, whether she doubted God, doubted herself, or doubted love, she poured herself into everything else life gave her. one summer, she realized she was all grown up, and it was time to pack up her room, throw everything in her car, and head into a big and scary unknown, knowing that she was leaving a family behind who loved her, and her God was going with her, every step of the way. and in the back of her mind, she hoped that maybe, just maybe, she'd find her man at college.

socal boys, foul mouths, and the realities of a HUGE secular school quickly erased any of those wild ideas, and save for the few exceptions, the girl had all but given up on boys. she was disappointed, and yes, maybe a little bitter too. and then one cold winter night, it hit her. before she could ever enter into a healthy, lasting, and Godly relationship, she first had to be ok with being alone. instead of accepting the bitter fact, she had to learn to accept the wonderful truth that there was already someone out there, someone God had specifically designed for her, someone God was preparing her for, and someone God was preparing for her. in that moment, she thanked the Lord for sparing her from those silly high-school crushes and keeping those doors closed, time after time. she realized now that it wasn't just her, fighting alone. God was already ahead of her, and yet, He was right there beside her at the same time.

instead of focusing on the short term, the instant gratification of simply having a boyfriend, she began thinking long-term, praying for her man-to-be, and praying daily that God would constantly grow contentment and trust in her heart, because that's the secret to happiness - being content in your circumstances. and for once, she was absolutely ok with being single. good-bye with the whiny conversations with other girlfriends, good-bye to the hopeless swooning over movies and everything else fiction. hello reality. it wasn't an easy journey, but after nineteen years of disappointment and pointless wondering, God finally made the message clear - He was enough, and that boy? the perfect, loving, all i could have ever dreamed of boy? he was out there, somewhere - it just wasn't time yet. she wasn't ready, and neither was he.

for all your single girls, that is my story. i feel like i've been hearing so many stories about singleness, waiting, hoping, praying, and learning, and believe me, it's a journey, but such a rewarding one. sometimes i feel like my story is absolutely void considering where life has me now, but it's not. every moment of the hoping, every moment of the wishing, taught me valuable lessons, and i wouldn't change those nineteen years of alone-ness for anything.

i was that girl, the girl in her whole group of new college friends who'd never been kissed. the girl who adamantly believed in love, and yet hadn't never known boy love for herself. the girl who had never been on a date, had always gone to high-school dances with her group of girlfriends. a girl who unwaveringly believed that God already had her love story scripted, and if she would just follow Him, she'd know a life and a love better than she could have ever hoped for.

and i was right...but that story can wait for later ;]

love

today, i'm thankful for unconditional love. love that loves even when you don't deserve it. love that loves when you're being hurtful or selfish. love that doesn't give up.

i'm thankful for a love that breaks down your walls and pursues you. i'm thankful for a love that tells you when you're wrong, a love that knows how to be firm, but still kind and gentle. a love that lets you start pillow fights and use the 'you can't beat me up, i'm a girl' card to end it. a love that does your dishes, sits next to you while you do homework, and loves taking pictures together. a love that randomly writes love notes, is always encouraging, and surprises you when you least expect it. a creative love, a love that gives you time and energy and a listening ear. a love that always points things back to Christ and always strives to do better.

i'm thankful for love based on more than just feelings, a love modeled after God love. love that loves through imperfection, loves more because of them. love that makes me laugh, smile, and do a happy dance. love that has dance parties and belts songs out of tune and unashamed. love that tries new things, is loud and crazy, and yet quiet and gentle.

i'm simply thankful for love.

tuesdates

every tuesday, after both being at school all day, the boy and i go all homey and enjoy a night-in together. this past tuesday, i found a fun new recipe through foodgawker and tried out a BBQ chicken pizza on whole-wheat naan bread (after a very fun trip to trader joe's, officially my new grocer - cheap & healthy!). our verdict? delicious.

as much as we love adventures, quiet nights in are also so valuable, and last week, after browsing through our laptops and uncovering as many embarrassing old videos and pictures we could find, we know each other even better. believe me, we were coolest brace-faced kids.

in order to avoid 'stress' at all costs this semester, our night ended with a full-blown homework party, and to top off an already fun night, the boy offered to clean up the kitchen for me while i did some reading - i am the luckiest. is it just a girl thing, or is there really nothing greater than seeing a man in your kitchen, washing dishes, cleaning up, and letting you sit on the couch and snap pictures of him? it. was. great.

i am so grateful for the gift love is - God's plans blow my mind.

and i love this man.