instalife: january thoughts

there always comes a point where things just can't get much worse. that's how the end of 2013 felt. like the bottom, the end of the rope. we didn't know how much more we could handle, and we had no idea when things would start to turn around. and when life feels lowest, there's nothing left to do but surrender. as hard as you might try to keep control, no matter how many lists you write, how well you organize your time, or how hard you try to keep that smile on your face, eventually it's clearly time to let go. and miraculously, without fail, God steps in, and He starts moving. 

january has looked like a lot of praying, praising, brainstorming, and occasionally butting heads. we've spent several evenings around our giant chalkboard writing down everything in our hearts, all of our worries, all of our dreams. and after we'd identified those dreams, it was time to start taking baby steps toward those goals. 

i'm excited about my business, excited about Travis' future as he pursues his career, excited to finish my credential, excited about the changes we know are coming. there are still deep desires that ache within us - the desire for community, for rich and deep friendships, the desire to eventually move and live in a place we love. we're taking baby steps toward those, too. right now, we're in the here & now. everyone  who knows me knows that i'm a planner; i'm always counting down to the next big thing. but i'm learning how to live today, because i'm not exactly sure what next week, next month, next year will look like. and i'm learning to be ok with that, to find joy in it. 

it's been the little things this month, too. renewing my library card and checking out stacks of books. a red-eye drive up the i-5 to snuggle with our new niece and spend time at home. homemade and husband-made sweet treats. a date night or two. the longer evenings. a love note here and there. dinner with new friends. an evening of cooking & baking family recipes. a quiet morning with a new book. i'm learning to savor life. drink in the fresh air, feel the breeze as it drifts through our home, pause and admire the sunset. every day is showered with gifts. drink it all in today, friends. 

let's connect on instagram!

@debbie_gilley

figuring it out

ever since creating my FB photography page, my brain has been racing. i totally get ahead of myself. ask T. the poor guy. when a thought, or a dream, or a plan enters my mind, it's all i can think about. i think about tomorrow, the next week, the whole year, and the rest of my life. all within five little minutes. it's a little bit ridiculous. my photography brainwave has definitely been on overdrive. but this weekend has brought a lot of clarification.

people have been asking for photo sessions lately, and it's been so humbling. i did not see that coming. and every time i think about it, i get all nervous and unsure. capturing photos of someone is a little bit high pressure. you want to meet their expectations and make the time and the result worth their money. it all rests on you (at least, that's how it feels). but, i've also had to remind myself that i'm only at the beginning. and people know that. and for those who have given me a chance, i so greatly appreciate it. 

for the past two days, i've been tuning into an online photography workshop. it's been extremely helpful, but also very clarifying. i've learned a lot and jotted down notes, but have also come to certain conclusions about where i want my photography to go.

when i pick up my camera, i don't want to look through the lens and see dollar signs or recognition. i want to see people's lives, their emotions, and the special moments they want to remember.

i don't want photography to become another avenue to compare myself to others. i want to find my style and my look and stick with it. there are thousands of photographers out there. conforming would be easy. and the competition is ripe. but i don't want it to be about a competition. i've realized that i'm not in this to be big-time. i'm in it to serve people. 

i also don't want photography to become a way to lift myself up. i've (re)learned a lot about humility. whatever talent or skill i have is not all mine. whatever opportunities i receive are not entirely deserved.

i don't want photography to be all-consuming either. it totally has the potential to be (remember how my brain works?). it takes a lot of time and energy. but i want it simply to be an outlet to love others and live life. i don't want to fix my life around my photography. God's will and the people love are the most important. 

i'm still so excited. but also still feeling so unprepared. the research and the learning has been fun, but it's also been overwhelming. as T cheesily said a few weeks ago in the middle of my overwhelmed crumbling, "how do you eat an elephant? one bite a time." not that we would ever eat elephants. seriously. 

dreaming & learning

just over 48 hours i launched my photography page on FB, and my brain has been thinking about [almost] nothing else ever since! seriously guys, i have a massive exam in less than 48 hours and have probably spent a total of 2 hours studying, if that. it's bad news. while i should be studying the constitution and the industrial revolution and blah, blah, blah, all that historical stuff, i've been blog-stalking and photo-page stalking and grasping at any sort of inspiration i see.

i've been encouraged seeing that everyone great started somewhere small - you know what i mean? a part of me is really afraid to dream big dreams. what if they don't happen? what if i mess up? what if i fail? what if other people don't see my dream? but there are people who i look up to now who also started with a small dream once upon a time. in this day and age, i think it's all about just putting yourself out there. doing it confidently. doing it boldly. i'm lucky to have a group of people who inspire me (even if they don't know who they are, or don't know me at all). i guess that's the value of social media. you gain a network. you gain knowledge, wisdom, and advice from people right next door or thousands of miles away. we all have pipe dreams. in the twenty-first century though, we can share them with each other, and that makes all the difference to me.

i'd like to see Debbie Huber Photography unfold into something big. something that will bless others. something that will make me grow and see things a new way. i want to meet new people and make them smile when they see photos of themselves. i don't want to be afraid to be real - to tell people that i love Jesus and that i am who i am. i want to be bold enough to be that girl without the fear of losing potential clients. i want to remember what is most important in life, and not lose sight of what has already brought me so far. i want to find balance - to be crazy about my passion, but also to drop all of it to meet the needs of my boyfriend, my family, my friends. they are most important. honestly, without them, i wouldn't be where i'm at today. i want to trust that God will open doors and close others, and that He will lead me where He wants me to go.

i want to create a logo-ish thing, i want to have a legitimate photo blog, i want to have tabs on my blog - you know, the 'about me,' 'photos,' 'pricing,' kind of tab things, i want to intern with another photographer or company. one day, i want to work with film and own an old film camera. i want to make a jar labeled 'photography' and put all my earned money into it so i can save up for new things. i want to make my FB page a place of real-ness and inspiration and all things lovely.

most importantly, i want the people i interact with to treasure their photography experience. i want to make it memorable for them.

i feel like i'm on the edge of something big. i'm just trying my very hardest to be patient until i can see what that something big is.

wedding nightmares

i have had three wedding nightmares in the last month, and i'm not even getting married! it's getting to the point of ridiculous, and they're so bizarre i thought i'd jot them down. maybe you'll get a laugh out of it ;]

#1: in real life, my best friend asked me to schedule nail appts for the bridal party, and that night i dreamt that i had forgotten to, and the day was chaos! not the worst dream ever, but that's how it all started.

#2: a few days before my best friend's brother got married, which was just this past saturday, i had the weirdest dream ever. it was a mesh between my best friend (les)'s wedding and her brothers. i was the maid of honor, but her sister in law was the bride. and somehow, i was wearing the wrong dress (blue instead of fuschia - ew), managed to find the right dress in my purse right before the ceremony started, changed quickly, and walked onto the stage (instead of down the aisle...i'm telling you, it's weird), and realized that i had forgotten to put my shoes on! thankfully, the dresses magically lengthened on stage to cover my bare toes, but then i looked up to realize that the bridal party wasn't holding bouquets, we were holding styrofoam cups! styrofoam cups - where did that come from?

#3: last night's dream was by far the most realistic and the most upsetting, because this time, it was about my wedding (which is not happening yet, p.s.). somehow, a dance recital where we all forgot the steps, my best high school friends, and a foreign exchange student were all thrown into the pot, as well as my mom, les' college friend, and a mish mash of over random friends. first, my friend marissa had moved into a gigantic house, and from there, a group of us were strolling down the street, and suddenly we were in this old mom & pop shop, getting ready for our weddings. here's the kicker, three of us were getting married on the same day. i remember that my ceremony was at 1:40, and les' friend was getting married shortly before.

this is where the nightmare begins.

i went to the closet, more like the storage closet in the old store, and discovered my dress was black - BLACK! i didn't remember trying it on, didn't remember choosing it, but there it was, and it was mine. i started putting it on, only to realize that it was one of those dresses that came with a million different pieces and options...

i could wear a black sparkly dress that didn't quite touch the floor, cover it and wear a gray jersey dress, or a white velvet dress. how ugly is all of that?! anyway, i finally decided on the white (because who gets married in gray or black?!) and started doing my hair. which i realized i hadn't dyed or cut, and looked just like my everyday plain old hair. the clock was ticking, it was 12:45. i had no idea where my bridal party was, who the photographer was, much less if we had even hired one, and was so distracted with the two other weddings happening that day, that i couldn't even remember planning any of mine.

then i woke up.

and now i'm afraid to ever get married.

then again, i vividly remember constantly dream-reminding myself that the wedding day is just a day. what mattered most was who i was marrying, and why i was marrying him. and in regards to him? there wasn't a doubt in my mind that he was the one.

maybe that was the point of all the madness, to remember what's truly important.

then again, this whole morning is off-kilter now. and i'm deathly afraid of wearing a black dress down the aisle, holding a styrofoam cup.

i'm having a moment

dear friends,

i'm having a little freak out moment today!

an old family friend of ours just got engaged about a week ago, and i was so happy to see a message from her on FB, but i did not expect what she asked of me - to photograph her wedding next summer! can you believe it?! to be completely honest with you, i feel totally inept to do that. for both of our benefit, i suggested she still hire a professional, but allow me to be the second photographer. that takes a little pressure of me, and also ensures that she'll have quality photos. still though - me?! really? i can hardly believe it. and the feedback and encouragement i've received from friends has been so kind and supportive. hopefully timing will allow everything to work out, but honestly, the thought itself is more than flattering!

when i told T my exciting news, he was so excited for me. his constant support for little pipe dreams of mine, and his belief in my ability is so reassuring. what a blessing to have such a great man by my side and standing behind everything i do.

other than that, i can't decide which i'm spending more time thinking about - christmas day (which is only 3 sleeps away!) or my best friend's bridal shower which i'm planning and hosting. pinspiration is my lifesaver and the help of the bridal party too.

 obviously, i'm going for a rustic theme - mason jars, lace, cans, simple flowers, etc. les wants a coffee & tea bar and a few other things that i'm so very excited about! here's to hoping it's a success!!!

good night friends...by tomorrow, the best day of the year will only be 2 days away!