jump, then fall.

so i've been pondering about the topic of my next "serious" blog post...and it's taken me forever to come up with something. not because there's nothing going on, but because there's so MUCH going on that my mind & my heart can't handle it. and it's crazy cool. tonight i'm finally able to get it out...well, a part of it:

i'm a logical person, in case you haven't noticed. don't get me wrong: i am a hopeless romantic, a sucker for a good love story, a regular church crybaby, and a helpless mess when it comes to little kids, but in the end, mind often trumps heart. i process, i organize, & i analyze. obsessively so. but then sometimes i wonder if it's ok to just turn off your mind and follow your heart & just let yourself be happy because for some reason, God has allowed you to be when you least deserve it.

in our day & age, "follow your heart" is a cliche, and unfortunately, one that's all too often followed--blindly so. too often people let their hearts go, let their guard down, and in their moments of vulnerability and weakness, they are brutally trampled, tossed to the side, the left to lick their bitter wounds. in the end, more often than not, our society encourages us to be callous, shrewd, and in essence, forget our hearts, because to be heartless results in less pain. we can shut off the pain, numb ourselves from the hurt, and forget our humanity--meanwhile hurting countless others around us. and i understand that, believe me i do...but, this was NOT God's intention.

God loves vulnerability. He sees no shame in your weakness, no humiliation in your mistakes. He loves it all, because it's impossible for Him not to. and yet at the same time, it hurts Him to see us throw our hearts at whoever will take a second glance at it. the Word encourages us to "guard our hearts," because they are fragile, they are unique, they are beautiful, and honestly? not everyone deserves to see your heart, much less have it.

i think the beautiful thing i've been learning lately, however, is that when God is in the middle of it, and when your heart is so desperately bound to God's, it's ok to let it go. because if our hope is in Christ, and if we are passionately in love with Him, then our heart belongs to Him, and Him only. that person we are tempted to give it to, will never completely have it until they seek God for it, whether that's a boy, a girl, a lover, or just a friend. and in that, we can feel safe & protected, cherished & loved.

heartbreak is a constant fear for everyone of us i think. at least it is for me. but when you know without a doubt that it's GOD who holds your heart, then it won't be us picking up the shattered pieces if it's broken. God will be the one guarding it with all He is, and slowly opening it up in relationship as we pursue each other and pursue Him. and if our heart is broken? then it will be God putting it back together, not us desperately scrambling for the pieces.

oh dear, isn't it just a beautiful thing? to know that God holds our heart, and when He leads, it's ok to trust, & then jump head on into our fears? whether it be a best friend who broke your trust, a parent who forgot you, or the unknown that's soon to be known, lay it before God. He knows you best; He created you. he weaved your soul, your desires, your longings, your personality, your quirks together in the most beautiful masterpiece He ever created. He finished and said, "she's perfect," "he is perfect." and that's all there is to it.

He's pursuing you. trust Him. it'll be the ride of your life.

.a PiCtUrE a day.

{01.26.2011.}

look who i ran into at lunch! it is such a joy seeing familiar faces on campus...





{01.27.2011.}

there's nothing better than a caramel frap on a warm afternoon during a class break/coffee chat with a dear friend...

my heart, God's heart.

{these words are what my heart has been searching for, and there's no better way to say them}

"delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

commit your way to the Lord.
trust in him and he will do this:

he will make your righteousness shine like the dawn.

be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him."

psalm 37:4-7

ramblings.

hey world. enter my spastic mind.

- first day of school outfits are SO overrated.

- cal state needs to create a bike line. walkers are ob-liv-i-ous.

- i am taking 5 upper-division classes, an honors class, & 3 capstones. shoot me, shake me, say your good-byes.

- 2 of my classes are in the same rooms i had last semester...interesting.

- tonight, i had my first class in LA1...that building always mystified me...now i know, it's pretty cool.

- in the past 3 months i've taken laundry home, couch surfed, & officially taken a night class. college-esque i think?

- college professors clearly don't collaborate with each other, because there is NO way i can read 8 novels & text readings. i'm going to officially die.

- speaking of, a few of my resolutions have been challenged in the past month: stay on top of class readings, don't avoid confrontation, go to bed at a reasonable hour, & more. goodness, it's only january...

- the verse "charm is deceptive & beauty is fleeting" has been rolling through my mind...what's on the inside is worth so much more.

- i have a serious blog coming up, i promise...but as of right now, i'm losing my mind. plain & simple.

wish me luck as i go down in a blaze of glory this spring.

oh and p.s. teacher crushes never get old. hello noah calhoun in. the. flesh.

.a PiCtUrE a day.

{01.24.2011.}

don't bubbles just remind you of childhood? what a nostalgic moment this was:





[the happiest place on earth, a place where dreams come true.]

a day in the life

at last that dreadful day arrived--time to leave the josie house...

...but not without a few roomie adventures first.

hello panera:

nerd glasses:

the shiz glasses:

and my glasses which decided to go all harry potter on me:

after a million too many bread-y carbs & pounds of yogurtland, good-byes were said, & the 10 minute trek down palo verde began. after a few trips up the stairs, sweet hellos & reunions, an entirely too wild floor meeting, a thorough music swap with manda bear, and unpacking to my heart's content, all was back to normal...& the shenanigans with these 2 beautiful girls started again:




what a bittersweet day it was. in all seriousness, i am so thankful for beautiful sisters in Christ, friends with loving advice & kind hearts, and constant opportunities to build God-honoring friendships.

{hey spring 2011? let's kick some butt}

.a PiCtUrE a day.

among the million & one great things about my church, this is one of the greatest: it has a steeple (& white pillars and red brick, just fyi). i don't know what it is about the steeple, the tradition it represents, the timelessness, whatever it may be, i love it, and along with the beautiful people, some great teaching, and fantastic worship & fellowship, it's another reason i love sunday mornings.