for those of you who think i have it all together all the time, i'd like to tell you today that i don't.
this past week, maybe this past month, maybe the past six months, have been such a season of GROWTH, and i love it, but it. is. humbling.
yes, i juggle a lot of things, i'm involved in a lot of things, and i love everything i do, but there are days where i feel like i just can't do it all anymore, and in those moments, i cry out to God for His strength, because it is only by His strength that i can do anything.
maybe that's the overall lesson i've been learning - not by my own strength Lord, but by Yours. at the beginning of last semester, i went into superwoman mode, literally filled up every time slot in my planner, and tired to do everything. i had 2 jobs, started an internship, was on leadership in college group, took 5 upper-division courses, served with habitat over my spring break, and in all that, i entered my first relationship ever. talk about a full plate. besides T, i simply didn't have time for people anymore, and many of my friends will tell you that i simply disappeared into an abyss of busy-ness. two months into the madness, i realized the error of my ways. we can't do everything, at least not very well. i ended last semester feeling like i had given only half of my self to everything. i gave all my energy to my new relationship, my spiritual life, and was then left with only a little piece of myself and my time for everything else. trust me, that's not the way to do it.
balance is key, and this summer, as my life slammed on the brakes and i had only one job and that was it, i had to seriously adjust to having time. i had to re-learn that it was ok to get 8 hours of sleep a night, watch TV every once in a while, and revel in quietness. i had to dig up the friendships i had neglected for the last 4 months and re-learn the value of community. i went into a coffee chat frenzy, and i love it. i craved a mentor, i felt purpose-less down here, and i was stuck in an unknown limbo. july was so hard. but by august, new responsibilities fell on my plate. i signed the lease on my first apartment, went into serious decorating/moving mode, spent 2 life-changing weeks in argentina, and went into the next school year with a completely different mindset - do less, but do it all well. the Lord provided an incredible community of girlfriends and mentors who i could glean wisdom from, and He taught me the importance of putting myself out there and risking myself in order to start new friendships. and every time, i've seen the fruit of that.
and that's what the last few months have continued to grow in me. to say no to working 24/7, to look at new opportunities, pray about them, and then decide whether they will hinder me from my already-made commitments, or whether it's something i can give everything too as well. and i've learned to do only what i love, and to look at the big picture. my spiritual life, investing in my relationship, and serving in the church are the. most. important callings i have. when i get to heaven, the A i got on my midterm, the amount on my paycheck, and how cute my clothes were are not going to matter. at all. not to say that we shouldn't be good stewards of what we've been given, but they are not priorities. if our spiritual life is growing, our relationships with people are thriving, and we living by God's direction, everything else will simply fall into place - right?
since january, my life has absolutely changed. it's not always been easy, but it has been so rewarding. i'm grateful to love a man who in the all the madness, never let me lose sight of God. i'm thankful that God loves me enough to humble me in order to show me a better way. i'm thankful for growth, because that's what this is all about. it's a process, a lifelong journey, and there's still so much to come...
October 22, 2011
October 13, 2011
losing control
yesterday afternoon, a horrible and unexpected tragedy struck seal beach, ca, the next town down if you're driving along PCH. eight people were killed as a gunman opened fire on a small hair salon in a peaceful, quiet, tight knit community. the greatest tragedy of it all is how quickly it happened, and how mercilessly these innocent lives were taken.
this week has been what i would call a 'heavy' week, and yesterday's events only further confirmed that. ever since, i've had that gnawing feeling of uncertainty hanging around me; i guess you could say i feel 'on edge.' those feelings are not from God, but they are real. in light of everything though, there is one truth that's been resounding in my head - God is in control, & that knowledge is so very reassuring.
this past weekend, at women's retreat (pictures are coming, i promise!), a lovely lady from our church spoke about identity, and clinging to our identity in Christ when everything is stripped from us. four years ago, she unexpectedly lost her husband of 51 1/2 years, and her story was absolutely heartbreaking. yet, she reminded us all that though circumstances change, our God never, ever changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. what a wonderful hope that is, to know that even when our lives are spinning out of control, or this world is plummeting and we can't stop it, God still remains, His truths remain, and there is unwavering strength and hope in Him.
sometimes, i'm thankful for the bad, because it reminds me of how big, how awesome our God is. He sees it all, sees a bigger picture than our narrow 'here & now' perspective. He understands our sorrow, and yet He provides endless joy. He understands our weakness, and in it, gives us His strength.
our theme for the weekend was to "keep God first." being in His word and in constant prayer are the simplest (and sometimes the most difficult) ways of doing that. sometimes, it takes bad things in order to draw us closer to Him, but He promises that when trials come, He is there. when things are good, He is still there. He is always there - how awesome is that?!
i couldn't imagine life not knowing such power and love. without it, there'd only be hopelessness.
this week has been what i would call a 'heavy' week, and yesterday's events only further confirmed that. ever since, i've had that gnawing feeling of uncertainty hanging around me; i guess you could say i feel 'on edge.' those feelings are not from God, but they are real. in light of everything though, there is one truth that's been resounding in my head - God is in control, & that knowledge is so very reassuring.
this past weekend, at women's retreat (pictures are coming, i promise!), a lovely lady from our church spoke about identity, and clinging to our identity in Christ when everything is stripped from us. four years ago, she unexpectedly lost her husband of 51 1/2 years, and her story was absolutely heartbreaking. yet, she reminded us all that though circumstances change, our God never, ever changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. what a wonderful hope that is, to know that even when our lives are spinning out of control, or this world is plummeting and we can't stop it, God still remains, His truths remain, and there is unwavering strength and hope in Him.
sometimes, i'm thankful for the bad, because it reminds me of how big, how awesome our God is. He sees it all, sees a bigger picture than our narrow 'here & now' perspective. He understands our sorrow, and yet He provides endless joy. He understands our weakness, and in it, gives us His strength.
our theme for the weekend was to "keep God first." being in His word and in constant prayer are the simplest (and sometimes the most difficult) ways of doing that. sometimes, it takes bad things in order to draw us closer to Him, but He promises that when trials come, He is there. when things are good, He is still there. He is always there - how awesome is that?!
i couldn't imagine life not knowing such power and love. without it, there'd only be hopelessness.
October 12, 2011
muffins!
in the spirit of fall, i figured it was high time to bake away, pumpkin style. i've also officially declared tuesdates my night to try new recipes, and so last night these delicious pumpkin chocolate chip muffins were on the menu! and according to the boy, they're a definite success - moist and scrumptious!
here's the recipe, & it's a cinch!
ingredients:
2 cups canned pumpkin (its slightly more than a 15 oz. can)
2/3 cup oil
2 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup milk
2 tsp. vanilla extract
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp. each- ground cloves, nutmeg, and ginger
1/2 tsp. salt
2/3 cup oil
2 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup milk
2 tsp. vanilla extract
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp. each- ground cloves, nutmeg, and ginger
1/2 tsp. salt
____________________________________________
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 muffin pans with 24 cupcake liners.
In a medium bowl, stir together pumpkin, oil, sugar, milk, and vanilla. Sift in the flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, and spices. Gently whisk by hand until just combined, being careful not to overmix as the texture will become gummy.
Fill liners with 1/4 cup batter (cups should be about 2/3 full). Bake for 20-24 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rack and let cool completely before frosting.
In a medium bowl, stir together pumpkin, oil, sugar, milk, and vanilla. Sift in the flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, and spices. Gently whisk by hand until just combined, being careful not to overmix as the texture will become gummy.
Fill liners with 1/4 cup batter (cups should be about 2/3 full). Bake for 20-24 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rack and let cool completely before frosting.
Enjoy!
October 4, 2011
grace
tonight, i'm thankful for grace - unconditional, never failing, God grace.
what a blessing it is to know that we can always run to God, no matter how badly we've messed up. what a blessing it is to know that He will always receive us, extend His arms, and embrace us as His children.
how unfathomable is it to think that He only sees us as He created us to be. He looks past the faults, past the mistakes, past the flaws, and sees beauty and perfection.
every day, i'm reminded that i'm only human. i say something stupid, i say something mean. i trip up the stairs (or down - yes, that too), i break something. i spill my coffee or make a fool of myself in front of my friends. i realize that i stink at small talk and care too much about what others think. i struggle to prioritize, don't give God the time or thought He deserves. i stay up too late and regret it in the morning. i eat that piece of cheesecake i shouldn't have. i hurt the ones i love and then beat myself up for it afterwards. i feel like i'm not good enough. i'm not always content in my circumstances. i envy that girl's hair or her fabulous fall outfit. i forget about commitments i've made or don't always follow through. i'm selfish and i'm proud. i'm critical and i'm harsh.
all that, in my mind is true. perhaps they're truths that you see in your life too. but, THIS is God's truth:
you and i, we're perfectly made, not perfect, but perfectly made. we don't mess up, we only grow and learn. our mistakes aren't the end of the world. God created us with flaws and faults, and yet to Him, they're perfect in His design. life is more than the here and now. that thing we said, that we think everyone will hold over us for the rest of time? God's already forgotten it. He won't ever think of it again. your family? it's exactly the way God planned it. the hurts, the challenges, the hardships, they're part of God's plan too. without them, we wouldn't recognize our need for Him; He wouldn't be able to help us, reveal Himself to us, be a part of us. we would shut Him up. maybe we already have.
i'm thankful for simple reminders of love, in each and every way. thankful for passions and interests. thank you for family, both up north and my new family here. i'm thankful that God orchestrates every moment of our lives. it's all part of a puzzle piece, part of a giant production, a beautifully choreographed dance. our only job? simply to dance for God alone.
what a blessing it is to know that we can always run to God, no matter how badly we've messed up. what a blessing it is to know that He will always receive us, extend His arms, and embrace us as His children.
how unfathomable is it to think that He only sees us as He created us to be. He looks past the faults, past the mistakes, past the flaws, and sees beauty and perfection.
every day, i'm reminded that i'm only human. i say something stupid, i say something mean. i trip up the stairs (or down - yes, that too), i break something. i spill my coffee or make a fool of myself in front of my friends. i realize that i stink at small talk and care too much about what others think. i struggle to prioritize, don't give God the time or thought He deserves. i stay up too late and regret it in the morning. i eat that piece of cheesecake i shouldn't have. i hurt the ones i love and then beat myself up for it afterwards. i feel like i'm not good enough. i'm not always content in my circumstances. i envy that girl's hair or her fabulous fall outfit. i forget about commitments i've made or don't always follow through. i'm selfish and i'm proud. i'm critical and i'm harsh.
all that, in my mind is true. perhaps they're truths that you see in your life too. but, THIS is God's truth:
you and i, we're perfectly made, not perfect, but perfectly made. we don't mess up, we only grow and learn. our mistakes aren't the end of the world. God created us with flaws and faults, and yet to Him, they're perfect in His design. life is more than the here and now. that thing we said, that we think everyone will hold over us for the rest of time? God's already forgotten it. He won't ever think of it again. your family? it's exactly the way God planned it. the hurts, the challenges, the hardships, they're part of God's plan too. without them, we wouldn't recognize our need for Him; He wouldn't be able to help us, reveal Himself to us, be a part of us. we would shut Him up. maybe we already have.
i'm thankful for simple reminders of love, in each and every way. thankful for passions and interests. thank you for family, both up north and my new family here. i'm thankful that God orchestrates every moment of our lives. it's all part of a puzzle piece, part of a giant production, a beautifully choreographed dance. our only job? simply to dance for God alone.
taco salad
now that i have to make my own meals every morning, afternoon, and evening, the old go-to pastas just aren't cutting it anymore! here's a very simple taco salad recipe - and it was delish!
ingredients:
1 freshly sliced tomato
romaine lettuce
1/4 cup cooked jasmine rice
tortilla chips or a flour tortilla
1/4 cup refried beans, heated
sprinkle with mozarella
i would, of course, add sour cream, but alas, i'm out - which is probably good for the calorie count! ;]
October 3, 2011
our spontaneous sunday
yesterday was absolutely perfect. sundays are generally my favorite day of the week, and yesterday delivered through and through. scott foster blew our minds in church and after that, the tone for the day was just set.
because of our crazy schedules, t and i often struggle to find a lot of alone time together aside for the hour or so he swings by after work, so when we discovered that we both had the day entirely off, i literally jumped for joy! contrary to my usually planned self, we made absolutely no solid plans and decided just to go off ideas of things we wanted to do and love to do together: drive, explore, take pictures, be outside, and EAT! we grabbed a map, jumped in the car, and just let the day take us where it would.
first stop? lunch. t always gets hot off the grill when he's working and since he raves on and on about it, i told him he has to take me there one day, and yesterday was finally that day! that burger was heaven.
because of our crazy schedules, t and i often struggle to find a lot of alone time together aside for the hour or so he swings by after work, so when we discovered that we both had the day entirely off, i literally jumped for joy! contrary to my usually planned self, we made absolutely no solid plans and decided just to go off ideas of things we wanted to do and love to do together: drive, explore, take pictures, be outside, and EAT! we grabbed a map, jumped in the car, and just let the day take us where it would.
first stop? lunch. t always gets hot off the grill when he's working and since he raves on and on about it, i told him he has to take me there one day, and yesterday was finally that day! that burger was heaven.
with plenty of food for thought after church (no pun intended), we talked about us, friends, and everything on our hearts. setting goals for us as a couple, restating our priorities and desires and our direction, and opening it all up with prayer is such a great thing. and the greatest thing of all? God completely led that conversation and confirmed things in both our hearts, and it blew my mind.
stuffed on greasy, delicious, american food we hit the 405, malibu bound. the weather was perfect, we rolled the windows down, and soaked in some ocean lovin.
on saturday, i picked up this book, Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti, at B&N, and i absolutely love it. i was so excited to share it with T and discuss it. apparently, it's true. boys brains look like waffles - full of little boxes, all singly focused. it's why they struggle to multi-task, or to keep up with our endless conversation that somehow starts with homework and ends with shopping. on that note, women's brains look like a pile of spaghetti - everything is connected, our friends, family, experiences, emotions, etc. it's why it takes us time to process, why we can juggle a million tasks and feelings at once, and why we get so frustrated when men can't keep up. understanding those differences is SO important, and it has already made a world of difference for me. read it. you'll be entertained - and learn something!
we read, we talked, we laughed, we learned, we threw on our hiking shoes and explored the malibu hills. we blazed our own trail, did some rock climbing (well, T handled it like a pro and then ever so kindly helped me down when i needed it), and soaked in the beauty of untouched nature, the quiet and stillness of it all.
i am a sucker for sunsets, and before we missed it, we hopped back in the car and raced back to the beach. luckily, we were JUST in time - and it was perfect. all of it.
after a long day outside, we capped off the night with some homework, grabbed starbucks, hung out with some of our closest friends, and i simply sat there and soaked it all in. thank you Lord for all your blessings.
September 30, 2011
sisters in Christ
i have a million blogs forming in my head, but before i get to glowing oceans and baking for firemen, this comes first.
this semester, Erin & i have taken the women's side of our college ministry under our wing, and it has been so fun! i think that especially at this time in our lives, it is so huge to be built into as women, to build connections with each other and mentors who can guide us and give us wisdom. there are so many decisions, so many roads to take, and so much confusion; i firmly believe God gave us a 'family' away from home, or wherever we are, to help us in those choices and walk alongside us through these shaping years.
our first meet up in september was such a blessing. we ate, we talked, we laughed, we learned, and God totally showed up.
i am so looking forward to our next meet-up in just a few weeks. i'm so thankful for these women and their beautiful hearts, our mentors and their willingness to build into us, and the opportunity to grow together over the next few months (& maybe even years).
this semester, Erin & i have taken the women's side of our college ministry under our wing, and it has been so fun! i think that especially at this time in our lives, it is so huge to be built into as women, to build connections with each other and mentors who can guide us and give us wisdom. there are so many decisions, so many roads to take, and so much confusion; i firmly believe God gave us a 'family' away from home, or wherever we are, to help us in those choices and walk alongside us through these shaping years.
our first meet up in september was such a blessing. we ate, we talked, we laughed, we learned, and God totally showed up.
i am so looking forward to our next meet-up in just a few weeks. i'm so thankful for these women and their beautiful hearts, our mentors and their willingness to build into us, and the opportunity to grow together over the next few months (& maybe even years).
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