in 2012, i began the year seeking contentment. it was a year where many of my friends were experiencing exciting life changes, and my year felt pretty predictable. until december 23rd that is - the day T asked me to be his wife. and that launched us into 2013, which we knew would be a whirlwind year. we knew it would be easy to get caught up in the wedding, in the changes, and so we chose simplify to be the word for 2013. though i definitely embraced simplicity during this past year, and have learned to filter my purchases and my decisions through the "need" filter rather than fulfilling my "wants," we're ending this year on what feels like the edge of a precipice. we're ready to jump and go deeper.
if i'm being honest, these past few months, maybe this past year, has felt dry. in many ways, this has been the best year of our life - traveling, getting married, building a home together, drawing closer to each other. but in some ways, i've never felt lonelier. we're surrounded by people and our life feels endlessly busy, full of responsibilities and daily obligations. but there is no depth. it's as if we've hit a plateau, just going through the motions but maybe completely missing the point. the point, after all, is Jesus, and if i reflect back on this year, it kills me to say that this hasn't been a year of huge spiritual growth for me. there have moments where i've been challenged, things that have caught my heart, but then i just sank back into the same old routine. i am so desperate for a change, restless for growth. so, as we approach new year's eve, we're questioning - are we really where God wants us to be? are we investing in the things He truly cares about? are we serving in the right ways? are we led by the Spirit?
or, are we striving in our flesh? driven by the "yes's" and "no's" of the people around us? doing what "seems" and "feels" right, rather than persistently seeking the will of God? and what even is His will?
this year is going to require diligence and obedience (two things i'm not really an expert in, so let's go God). we're starting back at the basics - reading through the Gospels and studying Jesus' ministry and then asking ourselves: if we call ourselves disciples, does our life truly resemble Jesus? and we're praying hard, so hard, for a community that challenges us, speaks truth to us (even the not-so-pretty stuff), and sharpens us. whereas i was feeling lost and confused a few weeks ago, there's clarity now. we haven't figured everything out, but, as a team, we're headed in a good direction. and by december 31, 2014, i want to know God more deeply, know the Word more deeply, and know Jesus more deeply. and i'm so excited about it.
happy new year, friends!